heaven

Alone

"Dean. Wake up. We're home."

Sam was sitting in the drivers seat, shaking Dean violently. He had always been a heavy sleeper, so trying to wake up Dean took some effort.

"Hey hey, get off."

But this time, Dean was wide awake. He jumped up, out of his seat and collected his clothes. His ass was through the front door before Sam could take a step out of the car.

"Cas? CAS?!"

Sam could hear the pain in Dean's voice, echoing outside in the enclosed air. It was strained the closer he got. I think Dean realized something.

Castiel wasn't here right now.

"CASTIEL! WHERE ARE YOU GODDAMNIT."

Dean ran into his room. Cas's shirt still laying on the bed. He never changed out of Dean's. Tear's were forming on the brim of his eyes, his heart was hurting. He had just got Cas back, after 3 years, and he was gone again. Just..gone. No word. Did he even mean what he said before Dean had left? Or was all of this just a joke to him? Because Dean wanted it to be real. He wanted it to happen.

"Dean. The phone is in here..."

Dean quickly stepped into the middle of the bunker. Sam was standing over the table, observing the phone. He looked a little confused.

"What is it?" Dean urged Sam. He was curious as to what was going on.

"The phone. It's scratched and a little cracked. Like something-"

"Happened. Well, I say we stay here for tonight, figure this out. You need sleep. So we can talk when you get some rest." Dean sternly said looking at the phone from a far. Sam shook his head.

"I'm fine Dean I don't nee-"

"Yes you do Sam. No go to bed...get rest." He looked up, making a straight and serious face. Sam just sighed. He knew that he didn't get sleep at all last night but he didn't feel tired now. Plus, he knew how important finding Cas and making sure everything was okay was to Dean. He just didn't know how to tell him that yet. So he guessed he'd go to his room, maybe sleep and maybe not, but just for a little so that he could get back with Dean and they could figure it all out.

"Fine. Will you be okay?" Sam continued looking at Dean with a concerning look. His eyebrows furrowed.

"I'll be fine Sammy. Just go.."

Dean gave Sam a weak smile then turned away. He left and went to his own room as Sam did the same. Dean sat on his bed, looking up. He closed his eyes. The anger getting to him. Cas told him he'd stayed. But the emotional stress was also getting him. Dean was losing his angel, and it could be permanent. His heart shattered.

"Cas. You bastard. Where the hell are you? You just...goddamnit."

Dean laid back onto his bed in frustration. Was this his fault? He knew that Cas had just got back. He knew that he had just spent years away from the Winchesters. And the Winchesters spent years away from Cas. He knew he should've stayed a little longer with him. It was a dum move. Castiel was lost, and at the moment a little insecure. He wanted more time with Castiel. The way he made him feel. And he knew that Sam was probably way more trusting in Cas. Way more. But by now, Dean felt in his heart that he could always trust him.

He wanted to sleep. As he always thought screw consciousness. Sleep. It always worked. Sleep never failed to help Dean forget about why he was so stressed. Angry. Sad. Broken. Lonely.

Throwing his shoes off, he climbed into bed with all his clothes on. His mind was awake though. Laying down felt strange. It didn't feel right. His thoughts drifted through the usual stuff. Mom. Dad. Jess. Sam. Demons. Angels. Cas. His shattered heart. Bobby. Charlie. Kevin.

Everything in life that made him happy. He thought about the good times. Tried too anyway. But he always thought about the ends. Their ends.

"Please Cas. Come back."

He decided to get up and get some water. The bunker was dark, and he kept it that way. The cool water running down his throat helped him to remember that he could still feel. He was numb. But on the inside, he was still able to feel. The pain. The loss. And some of the happiness.

"Dean?" Sam stood in the doorway, startling Dean. He just shook his head.

"Goddamnit."

Some of the water hit the floor. He grinned.

"Sam, you gotta stop." Dean just grabbed a towel and cleaned it all up. His hands shook gently afterwards, but he still tapped his brothers shoulder.

"Okay, let's go. Let's go back to bed."

Sam was led through the halls back to his room. His short hair hanging in his face. Sam had always slept walk, it was just what he did. Sometimes, it was a nightmare. Other times it was just him following Dean in his dream.  Dean didn't mind it, sometimes though it scared him.

"Go to sleep Sammy."

He laid Sam down in his bed, ruffling his hair. Dean left the room, slowly closing the door. It was always squeaky, so he tried to keep it quiet.

They were in the bunker. Dean was 9, Sam was about 5.

Dean awoke cold from a loud thud that echoed. He rubbed his eyes, looking around. It was a dream. Just a dream. A happy one at that. Nice memories of Sam sleep walking. Not in the bunker though, he had outgrown it.

Dean needed to know what had happened in the kitchen. He turned on as many lights as he could on his way there. The bunker was pitch black without the lights, it was kinda creepy in a way to Dean. How dark it was.

"Sam?" Dean called. But soon stopped dead in his tracks. His breath hitched. He squinted, looking in the kitchen and making sure it was who he thought it was.

"Dean. I was going to see where you were, sorry about waking you up. What're you guys doing home already?"

It was Cas.

Without hesitation Dean ran up to him and touched Castiel's lips to his own. They moved together, staying locked until one of them pulled away. He grabbed Cas's hips and pulled him closer, for a hug.

"The hell Castiel." He blew out after holding it in for so long. Cas just stood there, bewildered but content.

"Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" Castiel looked at Dean, up and down.

"Hey hey, don't check me out. I'm fine, but I am a little worried about you..?"

Dean saw that Castiel had groceries in his hands. Fruits, meat, and of course some peanut butter. He looked at the bags, confused.

"I know that humans cook. So-So I'm going to start cooking some.." Cas said quietly. He shrugged then threw the bags onto the table. There was a cracked watermelon, that was the thud Dean heard.

"Why is the phone cracked?" Dean continued, looking at Cas and studying him. He seemed to be okay.

"The phone, I was talking to Crowley then it stopped working and I got a little frustrated. I threw it around and tried to get it to work but nothing ever happened."

Dean smiled.

"Cas?"

Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean.

"Hm?" He hummed. Dean continued smiling, looking at the food and frozen meals that were being pulled out of the bag. This was his Angel. No doubt.

"Don't leave me." He whispered under his breath. The wave of love hit him more like a hurricane. His heart was about to thump out of his chest.

"I won't. I promise."

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// thanks to marti for helping me with this some. SO SORRY THIS IS LATE I CRY ILL UPDATE MORE I PROMISE