And Who Are You? e.d.

"I am beyond sorry that I wont be there for you." -8

I get up and walk over to my dresser. I didn't have much unpacked but this I had to make sure was safe. I reach into the upper right hand drawer and grab a folded up note with my name on the front. I take a deep breath and walk back over to Ethan.
I slowly unfold it, breathing in deeply when I realize that it has not been fully unfolded since my dad wrote it.
Ethan wraps his arm around me and gives me a slight squeeze. I look at him and give him a half smile.
I breathe in deeply and start to speak the words but Ethan stops me.
"Zoë, you don't need to read it aloud. I'm just here to make sure you're okay."
I look down, "I can't do this on my own, E."
He gives me a reassuring smile and nods.
"Dear Zoë, my sweetheart, my life
First off, I just want to tell you how absolutely sorry I am. But I know no matter how many times I say sorry in this letter, it won't mean anything. I say that, but I'll probably say it a few more times. I want to explain why I did this. I want to try to make sense to you of what I did. These last few months, I tried to make myself happy by acting happy, hoping that if I did that, I could survive. It wasn't working. It wasn't you or your mother, it was my sickness. I didn't want to live being the way I was."
I take in a deep breath, the tears flowing out of my eyes. Ethan gets closer to me, in a caring way.
"I stopped taking the pills because they made me a zombie. They made me that monster that would lay in bed for days at a time. I didn't want you to see me like that. I understand how you're probably feeling right now. Like I betrayed you. You have every right to hate me. I just want you to know how much I love you. You were the apple of my eye. The most precious thing I have ever created. You were the only thing I did right with my life. I loved your mother, but not as much as I loved you."
At this point, I'm bawling. My hand is covering my mouth as I speak although you probably couldn't understand what I'm saying anyway.
"I wanna say how sorry I am. I am beyond sorry that I won't be there for you. I am so sorry that I won't be there for your prom. That I won't be there to see you graduate high school. I am so sorry that I won't be there to send you off to college, or be there when you finally fall in love. Im sorry that I won't be there to help you through your first heartbreak, and go and beat some sense into the loser that doesn't see that you are everything. I'm sorry that I won't be there to help you move into your first apartment. I'm sorry that I won't be there to walk you down the aisle to the love of your life and I am so sorry that I won't be able to be a grandfather for your children. I'm sorry that I wasn't the best father. I hope that one day you find a man who can take my place and mend you in all the right places. One that will give you what I didn't and care for you like I couldn't. No child should have to be raised without a father and I am so sorry that I couldn't raise you. You are going to grow up to be a strong, independent woman who is going to be very successful and prosper in the way she wants. I know you'll do everything you set your mind to because I remember the one time you and I set up the lemonade stand when you were about 9 years old. At first, no one came to it. You looked so heartbroken but when I asked you if you wanted to go inside, you told me no. That all good things take time. So we waited, and shortly after, people started to come. Tons of people and I saw you light up like the Fourth of July sky. You don't need me to do good things. I probably should be there but even though I won't be, I know you'll do just fine. Plus, you'll have some great friends that will help you along the way. As for your mother, please take care of her. She is going to be so broken and you're gonna have to help her pick up the pieces. Doing this to both of you kills me, but it's what's best for me. I know you can help her. You are the best type of person there is, and I am so proud of you. This isn't a goodbye, it's a see you later. Just know that I am much happier now that all my pain is gone.
I love you so much, Zoë Shannon Richardson.
And I am so sorry."
The note falls from my hand and I bring it up to my face alongside my other hand. I'm crying so hard, and Ethan is just sitting there with both arms wrapped around me.
"I love him so much, Ethan." I cry into his chest."
"He loves you too, Zoë. So much. You were his everything."
"Was I not enough to make him stay?"
"No, you were more than enough. He had problems, and didn't know how to deal with them. He did what he thought was the best, even though it was the worst. He did it so he could be happy, so you wouldn't have to grow up seeing your father that way. Granted, he could have solved it a different way, but he's in a better place now."
I nod, knowing that what Ethan is saying is true.
He kissed me on the forehead and I stay in his hold. He feels safe. He feels like home and I've just met him. Everything I know about trust has gone out the window and into this boy. He barely knows me and he's going through all of this just to make sure I'm okay. My dad was right, I have someone to help me along the way.
I pull away, "I'm sorry, you probably have places to be or something." I wipe off my face.
"Nope, I'm gonna stay here with you because you need me."
I chuckle, "E, it's okay. I have the girls."
"But it's not the same." He takes my hand and we walk out of my room and downstairs.
We emerge into the kitchen to be greeted by my mother, cleaning the dishes. Something I haven't seen her do in a long time.
She turns around and notices we're standing there. She sees my red and puffy face and she walks over to me and we embrace each other.
"I read it mom, I read it." I say and begin to cry again.
She begins to cry also, and after a few minutes, we sit down and talk about our notes. Completely crying the whole time. My dad basically told my mom the same thing but in a different version. Why he did it, that he's sorry for not being able to be there, and that he loves us both, deeply. I look over at Ethan, and he's looking at us both very intently. My mom notices him too.
"Well, that's enough Lifetime reality for you!" She wipes her face and we all laugh.
I pull her into a hug and she whispers, "I'm really going to try, Zoë."
I pull away and smile, "I know."
We hug each other agains and Ethan speaks up.
"So how about a movie day?"

An: I swear that this is the last of the sadness for awhile!!! I cried writing this TBH. BUT HEY EVERYONES HAPPY NOWWWW :-)
I'll hit ya w the next chapter in a day or two !!!