Stuck in Ana's world

Love

Love is an unbelievable yet highly sufferable thing in my mind. It's something everyone seems to crave but boy when you're in the middle of it it's all that fills your mind yet the pain and suffering emotion you get through it all is the most torturing yet it's so envied among all. Although before I went through it I was very naive towards what it had in store for me. His name was Reece I met him during my 11th year in high school when I was just beginning to fall behind in attendance issues. He went to a different school to me, but I ended up meeting him through a friend. I remember meeting him at first, he didn't appeal to me in anyway, he was fairly shorter than I, had relatively dark skin, long ragged dark hair and was very thin. When we began talking though it was as if something sparked between us with the way our words intertwined and the endless conversation that never seemed to run short it was almost as if he always knew what to say as soon as I replied. We began talking and seeing each other on a daily basis and he was all that could fill my focus and mind and I remember feeling like things were actually going to be okay for once. It was as if he comforted the bad in my mind and only radiated positive energy. If only I had of known that a feeling so wonderful could only yet become pain and suffering in seconds. I remember the first night he stayed over and we spent our time awake endless hours holding each other and talking about things and at times he'd run his fingers ever so gently through my hair and assure me I'm more beautiful than my mind can see which always seemed to leave me comforted with shivers down my spine. That's the thing about Reece he always wanted to know whenever I had a single bad thought in my head so he could take that thought and turn it into something positive, I burdened him with my endless insecurities on a daily basis which is why I cannot blame him for the pain he had in store for me. He one day sent me a message saying he wasn't capable of continuing seeing me out of the blue which I could only reply in endless "why???" Messages for him then to say he'd fallen for my best friend. From that point I just completely shut down and blocked out everyone around me. I didn't want to function I knew myself I wasn't capable of love yet why did I let someone let me think for a moment I could be?. For anyone to remotely feel anything for me is the equivalent to the punch line of every joke. I myself know now that for someone to love me cannot be real because obviously they haven't opened there eyes to the beautiful people that surround my every turn as to compare me to them is as similar as comparing a rose to a spec of dirt.