A year of change

Cutting into my feelings

So I'm laying I bed thinking about what Nick had said to me a couple days ago.I remembered every single word he said to me and how it made me feel like nothing.I pulled out my phone and texted my two best friends Mary (I've known her for 11 years) and Olivia (I've known her for about 5 years now) and I told them what happened Olivia called me and was like she's sorry and when I tried to open up to her she shut me out and had a sleepover with her "new bestie" Alle. When me and Mary were supposed to hangout she had cheer and I was feeling anti social so I didn't go, but it made me mad that she didn't even try to make me stay she was just like" ok bye".

So when I went home I started thinking again.."I have friends ,but I feel so alone and its like there's alot of people but I can't talk to them.Then what Nick said kicked in and I dint know what was running through my mind cause LL I remember was going in to the kitchen and grabbing the biggest knife and knife sharpener.I ran back into my room closed and locked the door "click" locked the windows "bink" put down the curtains "swish" and turned off my light.I grabbed the knife with my right hand and held the sharpener in my left, I started sharpening the knife.Then I looked in the miorr and all I could think about was what Nick had said so, I grabbed the knife and cut onto my skin.Then a marimba sound.Autumn was trying to facetime me..I ignored it.She called back at least five times.So I put on a jacket to cover up the cuts and answered.I guess Autumn found out what happened and she was trying to be a good friend to me.Then she looked at my jacket and saw this red spot on the white jacket and started crying telling me that I "don't have to do this Nicks a jerk please don't do this".