I Won't Say Anything At All

Feeling Small

A.N: Thank you all so much for reading, I appreciate it so much! And I would like to give a shout out to my friends Dean, Kendra, and Anna for helping me brainstorm ideas for the story, and encouraging me to make more frequent updates! Vote, comment, subscribe!

Grace's POV

*Flashback*

“I'll be right back babe, I just need to quickly talk to Simkin about our new album.” Josh says, and leaves after kissing my cheek.

I'm now standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, waiting for Josh to come back. All of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn around expecting it to be Josh. But instead its a young guy wearing a black hoodie, jeans, and cheap Halloween makeup.

“What are you supposed to be?” I ask the man with a grin on my face

“I'm a ghoul.” He responds with an evil laugh. “So, you're Ramsay's new girlfriend huh?” He questions me.

“Um, yeah... How do you know him?” I ask

“Well, besides him being famous? We go way back. I've known him since high school.”

“Oh, were you friends?”

“Something like that.” He responds.

Josh has been gone for quite awhile now, but I'm sure he just got caught up with his manager. I've had a few too many drinks by now, and my lips are loosening up. Somehow, I end up telling the guy all of my problems. One's that Blake, and Josh don't even know about. I don't even know this guy's name but he is really easy to talk to.

“You know, I have something that can fix all of your problems. Something that will make you feel amazing.” He says when I finish my story.

He hands me a small bag of white powder, and I stare at him. I've never done drugs before, other than weed. But, he said this could help the pain. I'd do anything at this point to get rid of the constant hurting. I accept the bag, and ask him how I can meet up with him once I finish it. He hands me a piece of paper with his number on it and walks away.

Dean's POV

I could tell she was depressed from across the room. She didn't contemplate how short her dress was while buying it. The scars all over her legs show her sadness. Such an easy target. I wonder what Ramsay is doing with this basket case. He's clean now, and she seems like she will only drag him down. Not that I mind. Maybe if I get her hooked, I can get him hooked again too. Two new customers.

After talking with her for awhile, I decided to take a chance and gave her a small baggie of Coke. She seemed reluctant at first but ended up deciding to try it.

*End of Flashback*

Grace's POV

After the party I asked Josh to drive me home. He gave me a kiss goodnight and then drove away, leaving me alone with the coke. Now that I'm alone again all of my thoughts come flooding back in. My mind won't shut up. All I can think of is how fat and disgusting and worthless I am. My mind wanders to what Jeff and his drunken friends had done to me. And that leads to thoughts of my father.

When my mother and father seperated, he got a new apartment that my brother and I had to stay over at every second weekend. Every time we stayed there, my brother Nick and I would take turns on the couch and the floor in the living room. But one weekend, my dad asked me to sleep in his bed with him, because I had the floor that night. He said his bed is big enough, and that the floor is hard and uncomfortable. I stupidly agreed. That night, I crawled into the bed with him, and things were fine for a few hours. I was fast asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night though, and what I discovered still haunts me to this day. I awakened to his fingers inside of me. I didn't know what to do. I was only ten at the time, and I didn't fully understand what was happening. All I knew is that it felt wrong. I felt dirty. I slowly turned my head to my dad, but he was asleep. I was so confused. Did he not know what he was doing to me? Was it all a mistake because he is sleeping? I couldn't move his hand for fear of waking him up. Finally, after it felt like hours, I turned over onto my side, away from my father, and his fingers slipped out of me.

I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. Or most of the nights after that.

It took me years to finally build up the courage to tell my mother what happened that night. She said I was just dreaming. She's the only one I told. I haven't told anyone else, because they wouldn't believe me either. I questioned my own sanity. Maybe my mom was right, maybe it was a dream.

I deserved what he did to me. And I deserved what Jeff and his friends did to me. I'm just a pathetic whore.

Finally, I take the bag of coke out of my pocket, and snort it, leaving a feeling of euphoria. All my bad thoughts gone for the time being.