It was happening again.
My life slowly going into a dark hole of emptiness, loneliness and confusion. Another panick attack.
Things seemed to blend together, the sound was muffled by my brain, I lost control of my body.
There was this wave of dark thoughts floating around me, and I couldn't escape them.
Every one of them striking into my heart. Leaving me heavy and meaningless.
I leaned over the wall. The party was still going on, people dancing, drinking, having fun.
And I was falling apart.
-Lei?...-I heard his voice, pulling me back to reality.
I take a deep breath. It's finally over. But I was still shook.
-Lei, it's okay, I'm here- he said, grabbing my hands.
I was shivering, scared wondering if it might happen again.
The quantity of people scared me.
-Hey, listen to the music, okay?- Dan said, wrapping his arms around my waist.
I recognised the song. "Like I'm gonna lose you".
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
Slowly, he began to dance with me. My head hidden between his head and his shoulder. His hands on my waist felt protective, like he didn't want anything else to hurt me.
The melody was the only thing I heard.
He had this effect on me, the world disappeared when I was around him. I felt like I was in a bubble of peace.
I could only feel his body around me, his breath on the side of my neck, making me know that he was here.
He saved me more than once, and he had done it again.
Swaying together, the closest our bodies could be, our arms wrapped around each other's body. I felt so calm, like there was nothing to worry about. His presence just turned me into a completely different person.
I know it wasn't common love, it was more of like a life saver, but it was the strongest feeling I've ever had towards a person.
His eyes gazed at me. Five months earlier, if this had happened, I'd probably fainted, slipping out of reality, my feelings destroying me physically, destroying my mind and then my body.
But thank God he stayed.
I say stay, because everybody could've came and left. But he stayed and helped.
Not trying to figure out the reason of this, not even a hint of curiosity. He was there to let me know that I was loved and that he cared about me.
And I did the same for him sometimes. Of course it happened less frequently for him, unlike me, who was diagnosed with anxiety.
This relationship of caring each other turned out to be love.
And maybe that was love after all.
Five months could seem so little yet so important for somebody's life.
The song was ending. Dan whispered into my hair.
-You better?
-I love you- I said.
And it was the first time I'd ever said it to him. I'd said it too many times before, none of them actually ending up in love. I was just a complication for others.
But this time I knew, and I really knew, that these words really meant something now.
He just hugged me tighter, his head against my ear, whispering.
-I'll never leave you.
-Thank you- I replied, my heart warmed at his promise- Please, never leave.
-Never.
