C O U N T D O W N - i regret everything

refusal

* Trevor's POV *

Under any normal circumstances my life would have flashed before my eyes if I was about to die, but this time cheating death I only saw one thing, everything I didn't do.

In that second I thought of everything I wanted to do, and say, and think, and live and the sheer scary reality that it was probably now never going to happen.

But thanks to German-engineering the car halted, my hands holding onto the hood and my feet flying back like a superhero that was punched and slid on smooth cement. And right now was probably the strongest I've ever physically felt. If anyone asks I'm going to of course lie and say I stopped the 2,000 pound vehicle with my twig arms, just for shits and giggles.

I'm trying to distract myself from the fact that I walked into on-coming traffic and almost lost myself. My breathing rate increases and I feel like I'm hyperventilating. I need to get home.

What I forgot though was that there were people in the car, who were also breathing heavily and opening their doors to talk to the boy they hit a little bit. And what I didn't expect was to see two of my best pals stare me down with what looked like complete and utter shock. Bella and Ava stood there motionless.

I felt like the worst person ever.

I just scared my friends almost to death and it was because I couldn't stop worrying about myself and my mind and this thing that was destroying me from the inside out and focus on my environment when crossing a fucking INTERSECTION.

I start shaking violently, a mix of embarrassment and guilt and fear boiling hot in my chest. My eyes begin to water as I try to explain myself, not able to finish anything I start.

"No, no guys" I begin, tears leaking out quicker, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't know what I was doing and I probably just gave you a heart attack and-"

I can't finish before my knees give out and I'm on the road, cars honking at me and the hold up, and I want nothing more than to dissolve into the nothingness that I feel inside, to twin with who I really feel I am.

I hold my knees up to my face and begin full on sobbing, unaware of the hands that are resting on my shoulder. I don't look up but it's no surprise that Bella and Ava are standing above me.

"Trevor please stand up, it's okay you're fine. We're not mad at you, WE hit you for crying out loud you should be the ones yelling at u-"

"AVA CHILL HE'S FREAKING OUT HE DOESN'T NEED TO HEAR THIS RIGHT NOW." Bella yells, grip tightening on my shoulder.

Bella leans down and wraps her arms around me as I continue to sob into my knees. A choked yelp emitting from my mouth every couple of seconds. Soon I feel Ava bend down and wrap her arms around me and Bella, all of us sitting there and me listening to them whisper sweet nothings into my ears, my body slowing down on the shaking.

Before I know it my eyes are slipping shut and my breathing is returning to normal. Their voices get softer and softer and before I know it I'm fast asleep, here in the middle of the road.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look up to be met with the most beautiful sunrise I've ever seen. Shades of pink and blue and purple litter the sky, all held in big, cumulonimbus clouds that made me feel small in the most comforting way possible. I sit up and am taken back by the prettiest landscape my eyes have witnessed.