Your Life Compared To Mine (Niall Horan fan fiction)

Your Life Compared To Mine 16

 My alarm kept going off over and over, my body is too relaxed to even move even though I had the worst night sleep. I tossed and turned, my breathing was slow and it hurt at times, the darkness consumed me and I didn’t feel right about it. I am too scared to uncover myself from the ball of darkness and allow the light to eat me, the dark seemed more enjoyable.  I’m sure I wasn’t being mature about this, I should just face my fears, but this wasn’t really my fears. Yes it may be a nightmare, but I’m not scared of it entirely, I don’t know what to think of it, any of it.

 Throughout the night I tried thinking of ways that it could all just be some sick joke that my mother is pulling to get back at me for every wrong thing I have done to her. But what I saw was what I saw, it was my father clearly, somehow, alive lying in the bed looking like he was only sleeping, and yet for seven years I have been to blame for his death, for seven years I have believed he was dead, and yet he wasn’t dead?

The alarm went off once again, I groaned as the noise echoed throughout the silent room disturbing my thoughts once again. I turn over in a frustrated manner, trying my best to ignore it. I didn’t want to reach out of my barrier that was keeping me safe and my arm get chopped off in the process, like entering war from being behind a safe zone, clearly nothing good is going to come out of it, so just stick behind the safe wall and deal with it there. Even still eventually it will come around and fight and break down the barrier and whatever it is you’re hiding from will get you. I huff and puff as the sound blares in my ears, giving up I fling the covers off myself and I grab my phone in a angered manner shutting off the entire thing.

I flop back down staring up at the white ceiling, the silence surrounding me relaxes me once again.

Why would she lie like that? How could a mother lie to their children in such a way, growing up without a father figure, I learned to just get around it but Amy and my brothers, they didn’t have the memories I had, they don’t really know what it’s like to have a father. And the fact that my mother has the audacity to take that away from them completely astonishes me to no extent. What was her motive if she even had one? What was the whole point to keeping such a massive thing a secret? Why would she even do that?

The white ceiling stares back down at me; it slowly starts to slide down, looking as if getting closer to my body to crush anything in its path. At this moment, I honestly think the crushing of my soul and body would be better than having the torture I was going through, I needed answers but I didn’t want to have to seek them. I didn’t want to give my mother any satisfaction of going to her for answers. I didn’t have much choice, but I’d wait it out as long as I could.

The ceiling was back to where it started, slowly coming down once again, but once it got to a certain point, it would got back in its position and do it over again, as if teasing me. It would seem like it would give me what I want, and then go back making my body regret the feeling of having any pain be taken away from because of my own choice, but it won’t give me my choice.

I watched as the ceiling continued to tease me until the hard continuous knock on my door causes me to huff and look away from the tease. I look at my door that is closed hoping the person at the front door will leave, and never return. The persistent person wouldn’t leave, however, they continued to knock over and over. I refused to get up, to open my door and let further light in, walk down the steps to my horrid nightmare, and open the door to find the person I wish to ever see.

The knocking continued and continued for however long it was going at, I know it isn’t going anywhere any time soon. I had no choice at this point. My covers were throw off me, as I slowly raised myself from the dead, placing my feet on the cold ground and standing up as if for the first time in years. My body was drained and I felt sick to my stomach, my head was aching at the movement. Why couldn’t I just be left alone. I open the door to the hallway the light was shining through the windows that lined the opposite wall, I groan at the sunshine. I drag my feet across the wooden floor and slam my entire body weight down each step.

I came to the door as the knocking was still being as loud as ever. I stare at the door just wishing they would give up.

“I know you’re in there King Kong, you made it clear walking down the steps.” It was the Irish voice said in an amused tone.

I roll my eyes, wanting to smile at his comment, but I just couldn’t find the power or will to.

“Iris, please open, Liam said something was really wrong with you last night.” His tone softens, “I got worried when he told me this morning, and you haven’t been answering any calls or your door which only made it worse.”

I didn’t want anyone to worry over me, I shouldn’t be the one being worried about my sister and brothers are the ones everyone needs to look after, not me. I look down to the floor, letting all the guilt rush in me.

“Iris.” It was more of a whisper, but all sincerity was placed in his voice. “Please just open up so I know you’re somewhat okay.”

I couldn’t make him suffer worrying about me, he sounded like he was going to burst into tears and I don’t need a crying Niall on my hands at the moment. I shuffle towards the door slowly placing my hand around the handle, slowly turning it, slowly opening and slowly looking up. Everything was slow today.

His small smile was sad, but the gleam in his eyes showed some kind of happiness.

“You’re okay, even though you don’t look so great.” The way he said he was only joking but I did take it to heart, just a little.

“Thanks ass.” I reply back quietly, looking back down to the floor.

He pushes the door out of my hand and walks through the threshold closing the door behind him. I refused to look at him, I didn’t want to look him in the eyes, I didn’t want him to see the pain or even how horrible I looked.

“I didn’t mean it.” He states standing directly in front of me.

I try to find my voice but only a quiet whisper left my mouth, “I know.”

He hugs me tightly, placing his chin on the top of my head. He rocks us back and forth slightly, my hands are placed at my sides too heavy to lift, as his arms are securely wrap around my body.

We stood there for a long while in silence, with my face buried into his chest.

“I won’t ask what’s wrong because we both know you’re too stubborn to tell me, but if you want to tell me I’m here, and if you still won’t tell me, I’m still here.” His hug tightens and I burry my face deeper into his chest.

I mumble a ‘thank you’ and slightly pull away, he lets go placing his hands on my shoulders and slightly looking down trying to catch my eyes.

“Are you going to tell me?” he asks. I stay quiet avoiding his eyes at all costs, I don’t want to give in and end up telling him everything.

“Okay fair enough, I told you I’d stay so I’m staying.” He takes my hand in his and pulls me up the stairs. He drags up to my room and closes the door behind us; I start to get nervous wondering where his thoughts are going.

He leaves me by the door and kicks of his shoes and gets into my bed, making me only more scared. If he thinks I’m doing anything a guy’s mind somehow manages to think of, it is not going to happen. Once he was settled in my bed, he looks up at me with a stupid grin on his face.

“Let’s just sleep?” he asks patting the space next to him. I look at him still unsure of his motives.

“No funny business I promise.” He says with his hands up in surrender.

I walk slowly over to the other side of the bed, eyeing him suspiciously, he just follows me with the same stupid grin plastered on his face.

I make it to my side and pull back the covers and ease into bed. Niall moves down slightly holds out his arm, I rest my head on his arm facing him, he places his other arm around my waist, we are face to face, we stare back at each other for a while, not saying anything.

“You can go to sleep, Iris.” He whispers, “You look really tired, get some rest, I won’t go unless you ask me.” I didn’t like the thought of him leaving me, I wrap my around his waist pulling him tighter to me.

“Don’t go.” I say, my head is pushed into chest, I was more than comfortable, and I don’t want that leave.

“I won’t.” He kisses my head and snuggles closer to me. I inhale his scent and close my eyes waiting to drift off to sleep.