Adopted By the Yogscast: A Parody

Chapter 4 - New Home

After a lot of paperwork, I was finally released from the hellhole that humans call an orphanage. Simon rested his hand on my shoulder, beaming. He looked back at the grey brick of the orphanage. "You know the drill!" He said cheekily, with a wink at me. "See ya, shitlords!"

Lewis rolled his eyes and threw himself in the drivers seat of his car. "That's Simon for you. He takes some getting used to," I nodded knowingly. How could anyone not know if they had been watching the Yogscast for years? I pulled out a crimson notebook and a pencil, and started writing. Simon turned back and watched me. "What's that?" He questioned in a tone of fake suspicion. "A case study of Simon Lane and Lewis Brindley?" I flapped my hands at him jokingly, and shoved the notebook in his face.

Simon gave a hearty laugh and slapped Lewis on the shoulder. "Knew it!" He laughed. "We picked the right one!" Lewis, concentrating on the road, frowned. "What thing?" He asked.

"She's a Yognaut!" Simon shouted in an unnecessarily loud voice. Lewis turned to face me, and the car swerved alarmingly. Simon reached out to grab the wheel to straighten the car out. "Careful, friend!" 

***

After a long drive (not that I would know, I was sleeping) to Yogtowers, we finally clambered out of the car, as I gave my legs a well-deserved stretch and started shaking them out to wake them up. Lewis led the way into a tall block of apartments, with Simon following behind, complaining about his cramped and numb legs.

Opening the door with a sweeping flourish after an extremely long lift ride, he invited me in. "Welcome to Chateau Brindley," he said in a fake french accent, murdering the ears of all the French people reading this book, as he pretended to stroke his "mustache", suddenly turning french.

It was a reasonably sized apartment, made for two to stay. Messy as heck, there was a small tower of dirty bowls piling high in the sink, a sock on the table, and chairs that were not pushed in a way that aligned 90 degrees to the adjacent table. Yet everything seemed homely, a grey couch facing a very modern-looking television, which was connected to every single gaming console imaginable in a large tangle of wires that could potentially cause a fire. A wooden table stood at the side, where a cup with a coffee stain stood.

It was an open concept home, where one could stand at the doorway and witness the entire mess from the kitchen to the living room. A laptop was set on the kitchen counter, which was opened to a Youtube page that seemed to imply that someone had been playing a eight hour extended version of Baba Yetu, which had been going for seven and a half hours and had just been paused.

"Um." Lewis started. "It's a bit messy, sorry 'bout that," He said, looking around, as if trying to decide which part of the mess he should tackle first. Apparently giving up, he covered my eyes without my consent. "Here's the best part! Your room!" Simon immediately seized the chance to shout, "I'll lead the way!" in his worst dwarven accent.

With a warm, slightly sweaty pair of hands obscuring my vision, I was guided to my room, nearly tripping on every single pair of dirty socks in the room. It must suck to be blind.

"And we're here!" Simon shouted. I swear they made a detour, for there is no way an apartment would have been that big. The moist pair of hands lifted from my eyes, and for a fraction of about three seconds, the bright afternoon light from the window blinded me. 

The room was quite big, with a bed in the center, a wooden desk on the side, and a pretty big closet. It lacked colour, with exception of the bed sheets, which had about two billion Shiba Inus, more commonly known as "Doge", patterned on it. 

The walls were a light blue, accompanied with light blue window blinds, with a nasty cream acrylic carpet that was rough to the touch, yet warm and welcoming. As I blasted out off Lewis' hands on the soft, cushy bed, it sprang up like a rubber band and bounced me right back up.

Lewis laughed at the amount of fun I seemingly was having, and asked,"So do you like it?" I nodded quickly, and returned back to bouncing on my new bed. Lewis and Simon exchanged amused smiles, and told me that they would leave me in peace, before shutting the door and leaving.

As they left, I frowned. The room was amazingly plain, and obviously would take some time to furnish. Oh well, it was a decent room, at least. Quite big. Comfortable enough, I guess. It was definitely better than that dreary orphanage!

***

Following the male duo down the elevator, they ushered me into the backseat of a car that was so strongly lavender-scented that it was surprising that there was no portable flower field in the car. Chokingly sweet flowery scent, along with two fully grown men singing along to the popular stream of songs wheezing from the car speakers, made for a pretty interesting experience, although I was pretty relieved when we left the obnoxiously sweet scent behind when we exited the car.

"Here we are," Lewis announced. "Yogtowers."

It was nothing amazing. Just a normal office building. It did not have a large face of a dwarf's face on it, it just looked like all the other office blocks in the area. But to a Yognaut, this bland, boring building was and is the most exciting thing ever, at least since Sporks were invented. Seriously. Sporks. Everybody loves them. Everybody needs them.

Simon followed behind, sipping his morning tea. 

The elevator door opened. 

My palms started sweating.

So... Does this mean I am now part of the Yogscast Family...?

***

Chapter 4 - New Home
Written from 14/8/16 to 6/9/16.