Adopted By the Yogscast: A Parody

Chapter 6 - The Revelation

Deciding to bother me a little more, Sparkles* sat himself on the desk, the desk replying in a loud and heavy creak. "So, whatcha up to?" He asked casually while I tried not to die internally from fangirlism. I shrugged. "Nothing much?" He asked. "Good, because you're coming with Martyn and I to that new cafe that just opened up!" And with that, he grabbed my hand and tugged me out of the room.

Following like a limp ragdoll being dragged around by a young child, he pulled me through the corridors of the office. Martyn stared at the highly unusual scene, and with no questions asked, he grabbed my other hand and started helping Sparkles* in his quest to treat me like a kidnapped corpse, lunging my unwilling body along the floor. As we reached the end of the corridor, Martyn grabbed a pen and held it to my knife.

"Speak or you die!" He whispered, a mischievous glint in his eye. Clamping my lips tightly in response with a snort, I pulled my fingers across my lips in a zipping motion. "Dying it shall be, then!" Trying not to burst out in laughter as he ran his oh-so-sharp knife along my neck. Playing along, I stuck my tongue out and pinched my eyes together, like a dead person. "She's dead," Martyn whispered in a pretend-whisper to Sparkles*. "Operation Blob has failed. I repeat, Operation Blob has failed. She refused to give up any information on The Thingamajig." 

Through half-open eyes, I watch as Sparkles* suddenly jump up and wrestle the pen away from Martyn, before stabbing him in the stomach with it. Martyn looked at his injury, horrified. "A traitor!" He yelled dramatically, before crumpling to the ground. Sparkles* then proceeded to kneel down and 'untie' me from my restraints. Bouncing up with a grin on my face, Sparkles* and I gave a gracious bow to Duncan, who had observed this drama with a cup of coffee in his hand. Evidently forgetting about his coffee, he raised his hands to clap for our little performance, and the coffee sloshed right over the cup into his awaiting face.

Martyn snorted with laughter, and we left for the cafe, leaving poor Duncan to fend for himself against the tiny coffee monsters that had fallen out of his cup.

***

The cafe was pretty cool - the smell of coffee lingered in the air, the noninvasive sound of cooking and jazz setting a calm and refined atmosphere. Sliding into a seat, Sparkles* tossed the menu across the table.

"Everything's on me," He winked.

The menu had everything anyone could want, from ramen with durian toppings to marshmallow-flavoured potato wedges. I decided on baked rice, something normal, and a cup of hot coffee. Sparkles* picked the fire-flavoured mushroom and soufflé soup, and Martyn had marker-flavoured juice.

"They put real marker ink inside, y'know," He said, attempting to break the ice. I nodded, and started pulling out my notebook to doodle. Martyn let out a grunt of my frustration at something. I started working on a small sketch of Alolan Vulpix, the Pokemon, in the corner. Watching me draw, he commented rather conversationally, something about Vulpix being his favorite Pokemon. I let out a uncommunicative grunt, attempting to focus on the Vulpix amidst Sparkles* sniggering.

The drinks finally came. Stashing the notebook back into my pocket, and started sipping on the coffee. "Wow," Martyn said. "First time I've seen you open your mouth today!" Raising my eyebrow at Martyn above the top of my mug I took another sip. The hot coffee was a bit too hot and diluted for my liking, but it was fine. 

The meal continued in an awkward silence as I ate my baked rice, Martyn making various comments, with neither Sparkles* nor I answering to them. After a while, he just gave up, and pulled out his phone.

When we left the cafe, Martyn pulled out ten pounds and shoved it at Sparkles*. "Yeeah!" Sparkles* cheered adorably. I looked at them. "What...?" 

"WOW, SHE TALKS!" Martyn shouted. "We had a bet on whether you'd talk or not, and I lost, Sparks won," He clarified. Oh. Okay. So that is what it was about. 

***

"So," Martyn was saying, "there was this one time that we went to Yogtowers, and..." By that time, I had already zoned out. He was rambling on about something which I was not really interested in, and I just had to nod from time to time to indicate that I was listening with no idea what he was talking about, watching the people go by in the park.

"Are you listening?" Martyn questioned at some point. I nodded, a blatant lie. "Then what did I just say?" He asked. Well, it is pretty obvious, is it not? He just said,"What did I just say", but I pointed at my lips. "You aren't actually mute, y'know," He said. "despite whatever you seem to claim. You did speak earlier!" 

I raised my eyebrow, and unstuck my dry lips. "Readers will suck up whatever you tell them, because that's all they have," I gave him what I hoped to be an eerie smile. "Unless they read between the lines... The narrator could be describing a completely different thing if they wanted to. What Dick said in chapter 3 may not necessarily be true." I tilted my head and ran my finger along the rough stone ledge that we were sitting on. "That could just be what he thinks, or the narrator could've just brainwashed him to think that way. Don't trust the narrator..." And with that warning, I jumped off the ledge. "It'll be good for you to remember that."

***

Chapter 6 - Your Revelation
Written from 9/11/16 to 1/12/16

The bombshell has been dropped.