Holding on to you

Chapter 1

"Is there anybody out there?!", I heard someone scream and froze. Never has anybody come to this part of the forest before. Never. The path which goes straight through the forest, of course, and some people also tend to be brave and dare to go even farther in the woods but no one ever came close to this place, close to my place before.
I tried to stand as still as possible and hid myself behind a big oak tree. The next second I heard quick footsteps coming closer and pressed my body even tighter against the tree, hoping whoever found their way here would not see me and go on to another place. But like all of my wishes this one, too didn't fulfill itself. The steps stopped a few feet from the tree I was still hiding behind and I dared to have a quick look at the person who was now making himself comfortable on the roots of another oak. It was a good looking boy, my age with a ukulele in his hands. He strummed it a few times before starting to play a nice sounding song and humming along. I liked the voice of this boy even though he was only humming and not really singing anything. Yet.
"I ponder of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate, they'll fill with fire exhale desire I know it's dire my time today." He stopped for a few seconds before continuing with the words "I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought 'cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence." Then he stopped again and looked into the forest which grew darker with every minute that passed.
I wanted to talk to that boy. I wanted to tell him that he had a lovely voice and I wanted to listen to his singing again but I also didn't want to seem to be a stalker, coming out from behind a tree and telling a complete stranger that I liked listening to his voice. So I decided to go home again, it was getting late anyway.
When I arrived at my family's house no lights were shining through the windows so I assumed that my mother was sleeping already and my sister was at a party. Again. I just hoped that she wouldn't come home at 3 am and throw up in my room again because she already did that last week and my carped still smelled really bad. I brushed my teeth, changed into my pjyamas and layed down in my bed. I couldn't sleep very well and my thoughts wandered to the boy in the forest. What was he doing in the forest at this time of the day? Why did he bring his ukulele with him and what song was that he was playing? I was sure that I've never heard it before. Some sort of regret filled me while thinking of him. What if he never came back to this place and I would never see him again? Never be able to ask him the questions I wanted to ask him? I tried to concentrate on other thoughts, thinking that I missed this opportunity and wasn't able to turn back time and change my decisions but my thoughts went their own ways, like always, especially at night. When I finally fell asleep it was already 4:30am.

~*~

The next morning was school and after convincing myself to get up the day seemed to pass in slow motion. I was feeling numb and couldn't concentrate on anything the teachers or my classmates said. I hated days like this. My mind drifted to other places, darker places where I didn't want to follow it but I couldn't fight it. It was telling me how worthless I really was. That everything I did didn't matter anyway and that there was no purpose of living. And I wasn't really living anyway. I was just existing, nothing more.
I couldn't shake this thoughts off and by the time I finally got home I was feeling exhausted and that's always the time of the day when I needed to run. Running cleaned my mind and the cold autumn air seemed to blow the bad thoughts out of my brain. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn't breathe anymore and I was finding myself at the same spot in the forest I had been the day before. I sat down and breathed heavily until my chest stopped aching and I was able to stand up again. I thought about running home again but my feet didn't move, as if they weren't part of my body anymore and I couldn't control them. I didn't really want to go home again anyway so I just stayed in the forest for a little while until I could see the sun slowly going down and making the leaves on the ground lighting up in red, yellow and orange. I was so fascinated by them that I didn't hear the footspeps that approached until it was almost too late. The boy from yesterday came closer and I quickly stepped behind the tree I was already standing behind yesterday. I didn't know why I always hid myself from him when I felt the desire to sit next to him and listen to his voice saying thoughtful things but I was just a really shy person who didn't like talking to strangers.
He had brought his ukulele again but today he was playing a different song. His fingers were long and his voice sounded a bit lost at first. "I know where you stand, silent in the trees, and that's where I am, silent in the trees. Why won't you speak where I happen to be? Silent in the trees, standing cowardly." I held by breath. What... What was he talking about? Did he know that I was here? But how? That was impossible!
"I can feel your breath, I can feel my death, I want to know you I want to see, I want to say... Hello. Hello." He looked in my direction and my thoughts went wild and I couldn't think straight. Was he talking to me or just looking in my direction without knowing I was here? I had to make a decision. So I stepped forward from behind the tree and said: "Hello."