Duty (An Armorer/Paladin Story)

Another side to the story

Bucky came by that afternoon to discuss training. While I wasn't cleared for training yet, since I was working with a physiotherapist to rehabilitate my arm and shoulder, I could practice throwing knives and we needed to discuss my weapon choice. Ultimately, after discussing the pros and cons, we agreed that I'd just make another poleaxe.

"I didn't realize nobody brought it back," Bucky said, shaking his head. "But we were kind of in disarray after we saw the scene."

"I wish I had it," I said. "It was one of my alloys, and I don't like the idea of somebody finding it and examining it."

Bucky sighed. "I don't think you fully appreciate what you looked like when we got there. There was a bloody mess on the ground, your arm was dangling, your shoulder was out of the socket, you were covered with blood spatter. The urumi sounded hellish. I couldn't see your face, which was really disturbing. I really thought you were going to whip him to death.  Then when  Sam took off your mask, I wished he hadn't. I'd have brought the pieces back if I'd have thought about it."

That made me pause. If Bucky  had that reaction, what had the others thought?

"Natasha was the first one you listened to when she spoke, but she wasn't in position to stop you. Stark was the only one who came into the room behind you. You wouldn't put that sword down, and nobody knew what would happen if they stepped up. And we didn't know if you were hurt anywhere else."

"OK," I said finally. "I really just liked that poleaxe, you know."

"It's best not to get too attached to your weapons," he said. "But just think about it. Now you can tweak the design. You were thinking that the blade was too big." We discussed  possible design changes.

Just before he left, he paused. "Natasha said that she told you about her and me," he said, and waited for a reaction.

I nodded. "I think it's good. The two of you probably understand each other pretty well. Shared experiences," I said, kind of awkwardly. He nodded, then looked me in the eye, something he rarely does unless he's trying to say something important.

"I thought at first, maybe you and me... but I saw that Steve was interested in you too and I thought that I'd wait and see. I didn't want to make you choose. But he does love you, so that's off the table. And, as you say, we have a lot in common. I don't feel as ugly when I'm with her because she has a pretty good idea of what was done to me, what I went through. And vice versa."

"It's true I don't know what the cost of your life was after you were captured," I said, touching his metal arm. "How is this doing?"

"Really good. Normally I don't remember it's not like the other one." I smiled. "I'm just saying this so you understand that I'm not going to be asking Natasha about you or gossiping. And I'm just going to say this once to get it out of my system, I'm not going to be interfering with you about Steve. You know how we are, and I think he was wrong, but I'm also going to appeal to your sense of fairness and logic."

"You're going right for my vanity," I muttered, and a smile briefly lit his face.

"No, I'm not appealing to your intellect," he twitted, and this time I smiled. "It's true that Steve was an ass. But I'd like you to consider his situation. Everybody loves Captain America, pretty much. He got kind of caught up in that, started to kind of buy into the whole "the man, the myth, the legend" thing. He kind of lost his way. You're one of the few people in the world who see the guy under the suit. I was brought out of cryostasis periodically for training and missions, so I was able to see how the world changed as time went on. But he didn't have that...advantage. It's been a struggle to adjust to a new public morality, all the new technology, all the changes. He lives in the world, he's adapting, but he kind of idealizes the past. It was never really as clearcut as he likes to remember, but it was generally less complicated. And doing the right thing, which has been his personal creed for as long as I've known him, was easier to see back then. Life seemed more black and white."