Ayam

Voice

Zim shivered in his reinforced glass cell. It had been three days. Count them. Three. He wouldn't have known if his PAK hadn't consistently reminded him every day that time had passed. How else could he know, locked in an underground laboratory?

How the Dib had finally convinced his stupid Swollen Eyeballs of Zim's alienness was neither interesting nor important. What was important was freeing himself. He'd already lost an antenna and one eye to the inquisitive scalpels and snippers of the scientists. "For preservation and testing," they'd claimed, wielding the terrifying tools. He shuddered. He had to get out of there before he lost more. Who knew what they'd start cutting, prodding, and removing next?

His PAK weaponry remained in disuse. His captors had informed him in no uncertain terms that they had his robot, and would not hesitate to dismantle it if he showed the least aggression toward them.

He pounded his fist against the wall. "Stupid GIR, why did you have to get yourself caught too? Stupid Dib probably told them all about stupid GIR. Stupid bighead with his stupid pointy hair!"

Zim turned to the one thing that showed a little promise. He'd found that, through his PAK's amazing capabilities, he'd been able to connect with the human information network, also known as the internet. He had discovered it before, but never really paid it attention. Now, however, he scoured it for information. Any information he could use to free himself and destroy his captors. But where to start? The sheer volume was staggering, and much of it was either false or subjective... or just plain disgusting.

"Really?" He muttered, blanching. "Who wants to know the content of a dog's fecal matter? Filthy stink creatures."

He sat back against the wall, contemplating the ceiling. He listed the weaknesses he'd found in humans over time. Family and friends? No good, he couldn't threaten anybody from his cell. Substances? But he didn't have any with which to bribe them. Besides, how would he acquire them, and would men of science stoop to that level so readily? Probably not.

He stroked his chin. There was one more area he had considered before as a point of attack. To date, he had not been able to find a force more suited to tearing the humans apart at the seams than their beliefs. Their precious, hard-won religion. He sneered to himself. It seemed every religion ordered its converts to subdue every other religion, by cunning and coaxing or force. There were a few exceptions, but they were rare.

If he could find out the religion of the science-men and use it to manipulate them, perhaps he would be released.

Much to his dismay, however, he soon found that most men of science—at least those most outspoken on the internet—believed in no religion. A small group of them had banded together under the name "Intelligent Design" though, that looked promising. Apparantly they had gathered evidence that there was some intelligent being that created the universe, instead of random happening.

Zim rolled his eyes as he scanned the information. Humans would believe anything.

A link at the side of the webpage caught his eye. The heading read, "For the Judeo-Christian account of creation, click here. For the Islamic account, click here. For the Bhuddist account, click here. For the Hindu account, click here." And on and on the list went. Zim frowned. How was he going to choose which one to start with?

He bolted upright. "I am ingenious!" He exclaimed. "I shall compare the sales of the records of each of these religions and see which has the most. That one will surely have had the most influence on the planet!"

It didn't take many searches to discover that, out of all the religious writings, the Records of the Judeo-Christian account had sold the most over the longest period of time. Now reduced to two Records, Zim considered the Torah and the Bible. Another quick search indicated the Bible contained the Torah, and he laughed. Silly fools, to have two separate religions when they used the same portions of the Record. But then, when had anything the humans did make any sort of sense?