My Monster

Caught in the Scene

Drink.

Drink.

Drink.

Feeling the burn down my throat.

Sitting in the car with my brother,

him telling me not to get caught by the fuzz with some drink in my hand.

Telling me not to tell Ma that it was him who gave me the crystal,

even though she could guess that.

Him telling me to call him whenever I wanted more,

don't go to others,

there's so many fucked-up dealers out there.

Drink.

Drink. 

Drink.

Pulling into the driveway,

stumbling out of the car,

giving him back the vodka bottle.

Almost empty now.

He pulls out,

leaving me all alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Should be used to it by now.

Staring at the house,

one single light on,

upstairs.

Stumble on it...

barely shutting the door behind me,

mom flying down the stairs now.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

I gave her a look,

"Oh, now you're gonna act like a parent?"

I slurred, 

my words struggeling to escape my mouth.

"Are you drunk?" She asked, almost concerned.

"I don't know Mom, you tell me." I glarred, "You should be used to it."

Her eyes just starred, eyes empty, but I continued, 

"You know with all those fucked-up, twisted losers you spend your nights with.

You should be an expert by now, Mommy."

Yeah, it was mean.

Like all up in your face nasty.

A punch in the stomach, nasty. 

A knife in the ribs, a blow to the head.

And it showed on the face that just starred and stared and starred.

Hurt instead of anger showed.

She knew this demon that looked back at her.

She knew it was the words of it.

She never thought that her precious little girl would too...

Follow in the footsteps of her brother.

PJ, the little druggie that started after daddy died.

She knew,

one lonely tear, slipping down her pale, white cheek.

I started up the stairs, 

done with this bullshit.

"You're. So. High. Right. Now." She tried to say.

I turned back at her, 

"Yeah, and ask me if I care."