This Is It!

false hope.

Mama woke me up earlier than usual. She insisted that I make breakfast for everyone. Just like me she had not slept well last night. Ahsad was less troublesome and Haytham spent the whole day making calls. Turns out they had bomb down the mosque because a young boy had thrown a rock at one of the solders and he ran inside the mosque for cover. Then we got the news that we were all afraid of hearing. All the young men who had rebelled them were killed , all of them. Mama started crying and praising Allah for Ahsad's sake.

We were already used to these annoying daytime curfews that none of us seemed to be in any mood to look outside the window. Haytham did not leave his spot near the window. He kept scribbling something in his notebook. Mama made lunch and insisted that Haytham join us at the family table.

Ahsad refused to eat dinner at the same table with Haytham so i took the food to his bedroom.

"Is that guy still here?"
"Yes, he can't leave because of the curfew." I smiled at him but he stared back at me coldly.
"I hate him."
"Why Ahsad? He saved you from yourself."
"Yeah right." He shrugged. "As if i needed his help. He stopped me from dying a martyr like Yazid." He said and shock his head as if to shake the reality from his brain.

I walked slowly to the dinning table and found Mama and Haytham seated for dinner already. I could not stop thinking about what Ahsad had said. I have read about people who crave for martyrdom like him. They usually go to any extent just to have themselves killed or even worse, end up useless and maimed.

"What do you thing Aaliya?" Mama said snapping me back to reality.

"Huh?" I asked. Men, i have got to stop losing myself like that.

"You were not even listening ,were you?"

I smiled and shrugged slightly.
"Haytham here, was actually suggesting that we look for compensation for everything that has happened to us."

What? Does he think we need pity and sympathy from the world? How dare he takes us so lowly?

"No way Mama, there are people who have been through hell and got stuck there, at least we have gone through it and got out." I threw him a cutting look, turned away and smiled at Mama. "Mama, you should be counting your blessings and not what you have lost."

"You are right habibty." She said, kissed my forehead and left to check on Ahsad. We both watched her as she walked away and I waited until she disappeared completely.

"Seriously?"

"What?" He gave me a twisted grin.

"Compensation? Do we look like we lack something to you?"

"What are lamenting about? I only gave a suggestion."

"Don't put those crazy ideas in her head. She will start having hopes and that's the last thing I wasn't."

"What's wrong with having hopes?" He looked baffled as he said that.

"You have no idea how hard it is to have hopes and knowing that it is nothing but false hopes."

"OK then miss know it all, tell what hopes you had that you knew is false hope?" He smirked.

"A lot like i had hoped they would not kill Yazid but then I was sure he was going to die. Like I am wishing my dad is alive right now but I doubt if he is. Like how I wish they would -" At that point I couldn't hold back my tears. He tried to reach for my hand but I left him seated there at the table looking at him.