This Is It!

get over it

I locked myself in my bedroom and cried my heart out. For the first time since Yazid died I let myself mourn for him. I even prayed for him and Abu. I heard someone knocking at the door. I sat up from my praying mat and took off my Abaya. I was pretty sure it was Mama.

"Just a sec, Mama." I reached for my little scarf and covered my hair. I had been wearing it from the beginning of the curfew because Haytham was around.

"Aaliya, it's not your mother." He cleared his throat loudly and sighed. I stood still at the door and waited for him to say something but he didn't.

"What do you want?"

"To talk," he sighed again and I could see him biting his lower lip. I had accidentally noticed that he does that when he is nervous. "Could you please let me in?"

No way, Is he crazy? What makes him think I would let him into my bedroom. I thought. Of course it wouldn't be weird or sound crazy to him he grew up in the Western countries. Those people have no problems with girls and boys hanging. I still don't understand them though.

"Aaliya, I am still out here." There was a long silence as I debated with myself whether or not I should let him in. "OK then, I am gone."

"Come in," i called him and he immediately turned with a smirk. It looked like Zain Malik's cute smile when they were having photo shoots. I smiled at my thought and he smiled at me.

Does he seriously think I was smiling at him?

He walked into my room with his hands inside his pockets which made him look taller than he really is. He is as tall as Yazid and he must be in his early twenties, probably only four years older than me. He was staring at me with an expressionless face. I left the door open since it would inappropriate to lock ourselves inside, alone.

"Are you alright?"

I almost laughed at his question. Seriously? Did he just ask me that? I have lost everything I valued and he asks me that? Wait, it's not his fault he doesn't even understand. I mean all his life he has lived in free land and he might have never lost anyone he treasures in such circumstances.

"Yeah, I am fine."

"You sure?" He raised his eyebrows which disappeared under his hairline.

"Yup." I said with a thumps up. Betraying my feelings again.

"Now that's what I call a plain lie." He smiled again as he sat on my little chair which looked like a baby's as he sat on it trying to sit comfortably. "You have been crying."

"No, I haven't." I said defensively. Wait, what am I doing defending myself from this obviously true accusation?

"I can see it through your eyes. Look," his voice was suddenly soft. "I know it's hard. Everything you have been through, I think I would have died if it was me." He gave me a goofy grin. I straggled to tear my eyes from his but I couldn't, he had held mine with his powerful gaze. "If you ever need anything, you can always turn -"

"No, I don't need your help or you pity."

"Sit down, please." He said impatiently but I didn't. I just stared down at him with my arms crossed. "OK then, I guess I will have to stand up." He got to his feet and it was his turn to look down at me. I tried to calm my breathing for I was afraid it was clear that I was really nervous. I mean there was practically a guy in my room and he was standing just a step away from me.

"Last year I lost my Dad. I thought I was going to die. My Mom took me to see a psychiatrist." He stared past me, lost in thoughts. "The psychiatrist helped me mourn my Dad well, he told me I should do something great that I use to do with my Dad. At first I was not sure what to do because we never did anything special together, so i practically had nothing in mind that could help me connect and let it all out." He suddenly looked like he had snapped back to reality as he brushed his fingers through his hair and smiled. "Then I heard about this invasion on the News and i thought, hey! May be this is the way. Guess what?" His eyebrows were up again. I shrugged slightly. Somebody please tell me why I have to listen to this.

"I wasn't wrong. It was the way. I had already graduated and it was easy to find a job since no one wanted to go to a deadly land."

" why are you telling me all this?"

He took a step and covered the gap between us. Ya Allah, what do I do?

"So that you would learn how best to get rid of your pain and get over it."

I couldn't do anything, I couldn't even breath. I let out the breath I was holding when he walked out of my room.