I REFUSE •Stephen Curry•

•15•

That moment when ur broken. Completely. Like everything you worked so hard for was thrown in the trash. In life there is never a really happy ending but why was mine so messed up. Sometimes I think why me? I look to the sky and look for a sign from God is it really worth going through this stress of life. All for one person. I risked everything I put my heart on the line for him just for him to walk away from it. Lately I've stayed back home or should I say to Klay's house. No matter how many times he says it's his homes just like it's mine but it still didn't feel like it. Something was missing and I hated to know that thing was Steph. I get you Klay was a amazing guy and it made me mad cause I'm holding him from meeting a beautiful girl that will treat him right. Yet I'm too scared to let go the only person who attention to me. I know I'm selfish it's just that right now I feel the most alone I've felt even when Steph didn't come home until late. He still came home that's the most important thing even when I knew he was cheating he still came home. He still held me close to him. I loved him and in some toxic way he loved me.

Everytime Klay comes home I always ask him what's up with Steph. He refuses until I beg him. I found out that they recently been talking about marriage a lot. I used to think how can people be depressed? Why can't they just think of happy things. But I realized it was harder than it sounded. You can't turn happy when it's no where in sight. 

"Aaliyah." Klay knocks softly. I don't answer not because I didn't want to  but I couldn't. My throat was sore and my eyes burned from the constant tears. "Please." He whispers almost begging. The door slowly creaks open. Klay stands there a sad expression clouds his face. "I'm sorry." He says but I didn't reply cause I didn't want it to be Klay apologizing. I wanted it to be Steph. I wanted him to be as broken as I was. But he wasn't. "Please don't beat yourself up about this he lost something so valuable and he will realise it one day." I just turn my head looking away.

"I wasn't enough." I whispered. "I never was." My voice cracks as I break into a sob. Klay comes over and hugs me.  "We were suppose to be married." I choke out. Klay just strokes my hair.

"I know I know." He repeats. He gets up and turns to me.

"I gotta go to practice is there anything you need?" He asks. I shake my head no as his eyes fill with sympathy. I try to give him a smile but it looked more of a sad one. He exits the room.
My mind was everywhere but moving on. I missed him so much more than I thought. I looked through the magazines and see the 2 of them. They did look good together their eyes like 2 little gems he looked at her with compassion, the way I yearned for him to look at me. He wanted a women who could be strong and stand by his side but I couldn't do that after he tore me down so many times. I here a knock softly on the front door. I get up out the bed almost falling as my legs feel as if they are gone. I slowly walk to the front door as I continue to hear the constant light knocks. I swing the door open my breath caught in my throat.

"I'm sorry." He says but I know he didn't mean it. "Look what I've done." He whispers. I just stand there a lump in my throat continuing to grow as he continued to whisper. Just earlier I wanted a sorry from him but it didn't feel as sweet as I imagined it. In fact it left me with a bitter taste on my tongue that made me sick to my stomach. He didn't look bad at all he had a nice hair cut his facial hair was cut and clean off his face. It made him look younger as when we first met. His green eyes were bright but were dulling by the second. He was truly happy without me and that's what made my insides cave in. I at least had thought he would be feeling at least an ounce of pain to what was swallowing me up but I guess not. I continue to look at the man who was once my first love. He was no longer mine and he no longer loved me. My toes curled as I strained not to let the tears slide down my cheeks. I refused to let him sit here and see me crumble as many times as he has. He was the poisoned apple that I bit that was infecting my body with its toxins and it was too late too go back. "I'm sorry." He says again this time taking a step forward. I grow strength to rest my hand upon his chest right above his heart. His heart pumping rapidly at the connection of our skin I quickly retracted my hand becoming weaker by the spark.

"No." I whisper looking at him I screwed my eyes together tightly he wouldn't get me this time.

"What?" He says his voice barely above mine.

"I can't do this anymore I don't wanna see your face anymore you've moved on to bigger things than me and you've left me in your footprints as you went like I knew you one day would. Leave please, your girlfriend wouldn't be happy to have you here anyway." I break down at this point the tears were no longer sad but ever clear water drop that escaped my eyes held anger and rage, the pain that has been pent up in me for so long. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I was done. Done with wanting him to come back done with hoping he would leave her for me done with it all.

"I'm sorry." He repeats his hand find his hair rubbing the small knotted curls that I once loved to find a way to rub my hands through.

"Sorry is a word that won't clean up all the tears that have escaped my eyes and won't rebuild the destruction of my heart." I state. "You did this to us Wardell." I spit emphasizing his name with so much venom that he looked taken back. "You had me looking for you to find you with some girl you probably haven't even known for a week and then have the nerve to bring her in front of me to flaunt her off to crush me, to demolish my soul. Yet," I pause laughing bitterly as I look to the wooden ceiling as more tears fall from my eyes. "You didn't care. You never did." I state. The words stung not because it killed me to let him go but because the look on his face told me my words were all true, like always. He just stood there speechless as usual.

"I'm sorry." He said one last as he grabbed my hair as I tried to pull away he laid a gentle kiss on my forehead. After that he did what he does best, he left. All the time I wasted on a single human being for them to dump me in the trash like worthless piece of junk.

"Me too." I whisper. I shake my head walking back to my room. Out of all the pain I've felt in my life nothing had amounted to how much pain my heart was in now. In love it hurts less to be wrong than it is to be right and sadly, I was always right.