♥
My life required of me to grow up faster, made me understand some things a bit earlier. Like having a secret that no one other than you knows. Something that scared you, scared your heart and ripped open your soul so badly that you can't ever find...
Last night... yeah last night, when I came home I was lucky my mom had fallen asleep, I couldn't deal with her, I had already had enough for one night. I know she worries, after last night I get why she does really, and I don't blame her.
I can't say I got much sleep. I quietly showered, tried to wash the memories away, his hands on me... every time I think of him, FEAR.
Remember when I told you about Mia trying to set me up with some boy, when I told you I was afraid, well Jake didn't help that, but then on the other end Max.
I guess not having a male figure in your life, to teach you, to love you, to be there for you, leaves you not trusting any male that comes along in life. We all fear the unknown.
I close my eyes and the darkness takes over, no happy memory, no bad memory, just simple and plain darkness. I guess after everything this is my body's way of surviving.
-Summer where were you last night, you had me worried sick. – mom storms in my room, speaking in high tone.
Time to get back to reality.
I open my eyes and sit up straight on my bed, looking straight in my mom's eyes.
-I know I'm so sorry, it won't happen again. I didn't do anything stupid I promise.
- I know, you are a smart girl, but please don't do that to me again, ah the thoughts that were going through my head. You can party all you want, as long as I know you are okay. Okay. – she says that and gives me a big and tight hug.
-You have my promise it won't happen again, and I'm okay don't worry, see. – I smile, stand up and give her a big hug.
I love her so much, she is my everything.
-So what do you want to eat today? – she asks
Food is the last thing on my mind right now, but I can't let mom notice, can't have her worrying, she has done enough of that in her life.
- Okay, but don't come crying to me later, you had your chance as always. – she says while exiting my room
- I won't.
***
What do I do now? Do I let the dark thoughts take over me? No, that's not me, my mom raised me to be a fighter. She always said "Life will show you it's bright sides and it's dark sides, but it's up to you to choose. You either choose happiness or sadness."
I choose happiness. I don't care how hard it is, I just have to suck it up, people have it worse than me. There isn't always a Max. I was lucky.
With that in mind, I continue, try to continue my life normally, like I did before and I'll still do it. I will.
So I take my laptop and go on YouTube, open my subscriptions box, there is a lot to choose from. Exactly what I need to lighten up my mood.
Video after a video after a video, you lose track of time. And a smile, a laugh, is guaranteed, I mean with Pewdiepie, ComedyShorstGamer, Superwoman, there is no way to watch their videos with a serious face, I love their content.
But all fun has to come to an end, as a very familiar voice is yelling my name from the living room. Melanie.
-What? – I yell from my room
-Come here?
-Why? What do you want?
No reply. As always.
So I exit my room and go to the living room.
-What is it?
She hands me money.
-Ice cream.
-And why am I the one to go, when you are the one that's craving? – I ask a bit cocky
She comes around me and hugs me from behind
-Please, pretty please. – she says in her cute voice
-Okay, okay I'll go.
-Just ice cream?
-Yes, if you want something else... - Melanie says
-No, I'm good. – I reply
***
I'm walking slowly towards the grocery store, it's pretty close. You can hear children playing in the school yard, it's summer but there is a basketball, football, handball in one playground, and it's always full, it gives life to our neighborhood. That mixed with the engines of the cars that go by, the birds and all the other animals and insects, it's never quite, always alive.
I get to the store, and aim straight to the ice cream fridges, here in this store they are outside. As I'm walking towards them I see a familiar face standing inside in front of the door of the store, probably waiting for someone. He sees me.
I take the ice creams and move towards the door, he opens and holds the door, I'm walking in and as I do that giving him a smile as I thank you, he smiles back.
The line wasn't that big, but also it wasn't that small. So I go to stand in line and as I turn I notice he is gone...
I wait for my turn, I pay for the ice creams and exit the store, and what do I see there.
He is standing in front leaning on his car.
-Summer... he says as soon as I get out
-Max. – I reply
-How are you? – he asks
-Fine, better than last night for sure, thank you for asking. You? – I genially meant what I said surpassingly.
- Oh, I'm great. – he smiles
Pause... I don't say anything, he doesn't say anything, we just stand there it's awkward, than I finally say
- Well it was nice seeing you again Max. – and I turn and start walking away
-One more thing Summer. – he says quickly, I turn around to face him.
-Can I have your number? – he asks and gives me a smile that makes me feel some type of way.
-Sure, I guess. – I smile back
He hands me his phone, I put my phone number in and hand it back, with a smile lightening up my face.
-Well I need to get going now. See you soon Summer. – he says
-Bye... - I say and start walking away, with butterflies in my stomach before I make a fool out of myself.
I get home, give the ice cream to Melanie and go straight up to my room.
I lay on my bed.
-What did just happen?
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