A New Life (adopted by the sidemen)

Ch. 4 Never Alone

(literally dead from Simons suit selfie😍)
warning: mentions of self-harm

Simon's POV

The rest of the Sidemen and I all sat on the couch having Lux leave us for a nap. I was sat right next to Josh with me pressed up against him. It was relaxing to have everyone just hangout and chill together once again. Having that Harry just moved from Guernsey, Ethan, Tobi, and JJ became busy helping him settle in their condo. I've only been hanging out with Vikk and Josh so it was nice to see the rest of the boys.

Deciding now would be a good time to go talk to Lux, I got up and told the boys I'm use the toilets. I went up both flight of stairs and waited outside her door for a moment. Upon knocking I heard a come in. "Hey Lux, can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked walking in.

Many emotions swan in her eyes, mainly being fear and confusion. "Sure, sit down I guess." She responded patting the seat next to her.

"Okay I'm not going to beat around the busy," I started, taking a deep breath, "When we were at your foster home and you were showing us your necklace I saw scars on your wrist." I finally said.

Fear became pretty evident in her eyes as her lips were pulled into a tight line, "N-No, no y-you probably j-just thought you saw s-something." She defended pulling her arm closer to her.

Keeping a soft expression I extend my hand, "Let me see your arms." I asked her hoping for her to trust me.

Lux shook her head, "No, there's nothing to see." Her voice was firm and almost unmoving. But I refused to give up.

"Let me see your arms," I asking again my voice breaking ever so slightly, "Lux please." At this point I was practically begging but that didn't matter.

Lux's strong demeanor broke as she finally extended her arms to me. Her hands shook terribly as they rested palm up in my hands. Examining her arms broke my heart. Many white lines decorated her wrists and a little of her forearm. Looking up at Lux she didn't meet my eyes. Instead she stared off to the side as tears fell from her icy blue eyes gently. "I'm sorry." She mumbled pulling her arms away from me meeting my gaze, "I'm so fucking sorry." The tears fell quicker.

My own tears started to surface as I grabbed her hand and held it, "It's okay Lux. I understand."

"It's not okay Simon," She cried, "You don't understand I'm a freak. I'm so messed up it's unbelievable. God, why did I have to be such a weak fuck up." She rubbed her eyes roughly smudging her makeup.

Building up every ounce of courage I could muster, I tugged my long sleeves up to reveal; my own collection of scars on my forearm, "Lux I understand more than you think." I said my voice breaking more. Lux stared in awe at my arms that were littered with old and fresh scars.

"Simon," she whispered, "I had no idea. Why?" She asked as her fingertips grazed over my arm.

" Don't get me wrong, I love youtube but the life of a youtuber is not as glamorous as it seems," I responded while fighting the urge to pull down my sleeves again, "I let the hate get to me." It's true, I've already had a low self esteem before I started youtube but once I started to blow up I became a target for ruthless hate. I tried to ignore it but it became too much. "I don't know how to put this into words," Swallowing a lump in my throat I continue, "I'm not able to control the internal pain but I am able to control the external pain. It was almost grounding for me, like I was finally able to have control in my life." 

"I don't know what to say." Lux said gingerly while wiping her tears carefully.

"You don't have to say anything." Pulling down my sleeves I wrap an arm around her, "Just know that you're not going through anything alone anymore. I had all my friends support me now so do you." I reassured her as she accepted my hug. We sat there for a bit then pulled away. "Alright Lux, get some rest. Pizza's gonna be here soon." I said standing up from the bed and with that I left my room to head back to the boys downstairs.

When I got back everyone was were they were when I left. Reclaiming my spot next to Josh I pulled out my phone to check twitter. My notifications were blown up with pictures of Josh, Lux, and I at the service station. So many people were asking who was the mysterious girl and what were we hiding.

I dropped my phone into my lap with a sigh, "Josh have you seen twitter? Everyone and their mother wants to know who's the mysterious girl, aka Lux."

Josh pulled his phone for a moment, "Well I guess we could tell them soon in a video." He said.

"You reckon she could make a youtube?" Ethan asked joining the conversation. The rest of the guys turned their attention towards us in curiosity.

"She'll need an upgrade in electronics though, all she has is a crummy laptop." I said turning my head to Josh, "She doesn't even have a phone!"

Josh looked at me, "We need to go on a shopping spree with her, she doesn't have much but that will change." He smiled at me happily. Ever since Josh adopted Lux he has been so happy. Which is amazing to see because before Lux he wasn't at his best. All the stress from youtube and some personal issues really had him contemplating on quitting youtube. Even though this is literally the first day with Lux I believe that Josh has truly discovered a new found joy.

We sat around chatting for a bit until our doorbell interrupted us. I got up to answer the door to see the pizza has been delivered. Handing the girl a 50 I grabbed the pizzas and told her to keep the change. Closing the door I shout, "It's pizza time boys!" As I placed the 4 boxes down on the kitchen island everyone ran into the kitchen. "Oye before we eat someone fetch Lux." Josh left the room and soon came back with a sleepy looking Lux.

Everyone started to take their food but I notice Harry didn't grab anything, "Harry aren't you gonna eat?" I asked with a mouthful of hot pizza.

His head shot up at me giving me an uncertain smile, "I'm not that hungry." He said shifting back into his seat.

"You haven't eaten all day Harry!" JJ exclaimed after he wolfed down his second pizza.

Harry shook his head, "Nah it's fine mate. I'm not hungry." He continued to deny but his stomach betrayed him as it let out a powerful growl that filled the room.

"Not hungry my ass," Lux started, leaning over putting a pizza on a plate, "Here eat." She placed the plate in his hands. He took small bites and took forever to swallow. Soon enough his slice was gone but Lux was quick to replace it with another.

Turning my attention away I started to chat with Josh. Making small talk I finished my 3rd slice of pizza and finally was full. Everyone ate until they were full and satisfied. Harry held an unreadable expression as he quickly excused himself. Lux gave a worried look at the door but didn't say or do anything.

The rest of the night went by quickly due to much banter and a few more fifa matches. Lux is practically undefeated aside from some draws. That girl can seriously play. By 11 everyone decided to call it a night and retreated to their own rooms. Harry, Ethan, and Tobi got their own makeshift sleeping areas in some spare rooms just so they don't have to drive all the way back to their apartment.

Skipping out on showering I change into my boxers and pull out my phone while in bed. Going to twitter I tweeted, 'Been such a long exciting day, can't wait for you guys to know what's going on ;)'

Leaving the fans to wonder I put my phone charging without checking my mentions. Within minutes of closing my eyes I knock out.

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