Cygnus and Christopher

Untitled Part 17

Only two people smoked cigarettes on the porch. And the music sounded quieter than usual, the soundwaves lacked the force necessary to rattle my feet. Inside was also less dense than most times. Right then, coming through the door, I felt very viscerally that my life as I knew it was not just about end, or starting to end, but was already almost over. I no longer seemed to experience the party as a current happening, but as something already over. The night more funeral than wedding. I began to wonder about all the funerals I missed in my life, just because I didn't want to believe it, and how powerful of a thing belief is.

Rick came in from the kitchen, pajamas and mismatching socks on. "Glad to see ya guys, pretty mellow here tonight. Lots of people have already left for school I guess." Christopher went in to give him a hug, I joined in. While embraced Christopher spoke, "No way I was gonna miss this ya know." Then Nicole stumbled through the door and yelled, "I love group hugs." So we became four. Alex hung back, smiling, perhaps lacking the common history with us to join in on our hug. I thought about saying the "more the merrier" but we disbanded before I'd worked out if it was the appropriate thing to do.

We all chitchatted for a long while, told stories from way back in the day. Like the time Rick got in trouble for cursing during an elementary school talent show or the first time skinny dipping in Nicole's pool. Eventually conversation switch to the future, school and new places and new things, but I got stuck on the eulogy of ourselves, the stories morphing it to a stuck record and things getting muddier and harder to understand the longer I tried to sort it all out.

The party didn't really grow in size at all, few people wandered in and a few people wandered out. Rick made the rounds welcoming any people who showed up. Christopher and Nicole went off to the guest bedroom upstairs. Alex and I decided to go downstairs to dance. We didn't really talk much.

Despite all the lights and sound it looked so empty in the basement without any other people down there. If anything all the static stimulation just made it seem more empty. Tomas and Suzan also never ended up showing up, that didn't and it still doesn't feel right, probably never will, will instead just become another glitching layer of the past.

I spent most the party down there dancing. Alex danced to, but we didn't really dance together at all. Once I had wore myself down to exhaustion, I headed upstairs, got some water and sat on a couch with Rick. He held my hand, looking a little watery in the eyes.

Then in one of those moments happens. One of the ones where the word you are thinking about is said aloud by someone else. "Water" Christopher said, "We are going to the water." He ran out the door, shouted "To the beach if anyone else wants in." I let go of Rick's hand and said to him, Nicole, and Alex. "I better follow him, maybe we'll see you later I don't know." They all said bye quietly, and in their own unique ways.

Outside, Christopher had already made some decent distance on that bike all lit up. I followed, pedaled as fast as I could, but fell further behind. In my mind, I thought of two binary slipping out each other's gravitational pull and sliding like hockey pucks on ice away from one another.