the road continues (spn12)

6

Mary and Dean wanted to jump in the car immediately and drive but Jody and Eileen Held them back.

"Don't be stupid, Dean" Jody said "you can't just run off, we need a plan. This is not any Monster we're dealing with. This is a 1A hunter not a Monsters head you can just chop off"

"Why not?" Dean groaned. "She is human, chuck damn it" Cas winced as so often when somebody mentioned his father. He wondered was Chuck and Amara were up to right now...

"She is a hunter like us. Like you" Jody continued. "She's right" Mary said. It seemed the spontaneous energy that overwhelmed her, sank in. The glowing left her eyes and she fell back on the chair she had jumped of. "We should think this through."

Dean shuffled through his hair. He wanted to do something. He wanted to get in the car and rescue his bro. He wanted Sam back. He couldn't wait another day. Of course the others were right. They couldn't just burst in and get him out. That would never work. But it was painful to just sit here when he didn't know how Sammy was.

In all his frustration Dean didn't notice Cas watching him. The angel had listen quite to their conversation. Knowing that waiting would drive Dean nuts but also knowing that Dean needed to be held back so he wouldn't do something stupid.

4 hours went by in which the Team came up with a plan. More or less.

Dean was bringing his back-bag to the Impala when he found Cas picking up and sorting the books back in the shelf they had left around.

"Hey Buddy. You're ready?" Dean asked.

"I don't think i'm coming with you" Cas said calmly, continuing his work. 

"what do you mean? Are you kidding me?" Dean stopped baffled.

"No. i mean it" Cas was still looking at the books while Dean watched him confused and angry.

Dean rubbed his eyes. "okay, whats the matter?" he tried to be calm. Cas wouldn't do that if there wasn't a reason.

"Nothing. i just think i should do something useful. Looking for Lucifer or looking how heaven is doing.." Cas eyes were still fixed on the books. He didn't want to meet Deans eyes. He knew what he would see. And he really didn't want to.

"So rescuing Sam is not worth your Attention?" Dean snapped. It felt like a personal insult, even when Dean knew that the others would help him, that there had a plan and everything but not for a second he thought that Cas wouldn't come with him. He would understand when any of the hunters would go but not Cas.

"I didn't say that. I mean i'm not useful here Dean. You don't need me. I 'fucked up' to use your words. I couldn't watch out for Sam and i couldn't even find him again." Cas had pulled the last books back in their place and was now starring at his hands. They felt useless. Clunky.

"Cas. You are useful okay. We need you here. I need you.... I " Dean gulped. He came closer to Cas, grabbing his shoulders and made him turn around to face him. "Come on, don't let me alone with this" Dean said, searching for Cas eyes.

The angel nodded. Dean was one thought away to hug him. He could easily do what he did many times before. It was not hard. Lean forward. Embrace. Feel good.

Dean padded him on the shoulder.

 When everybody collected their stuff and was ready, the hunters split up in two Cars. Dean, Cas and Mary in the Impala and Jody, Garth and Eileen in Jodys police car. There was a moment of confusion when Mary and Dean both went for the drivers seat. But Mary let her son take the wheel and got herself in the back row. Cas sat shotgun.

They were quite first. Dean played Music and made Mary smile, she remembered a lot of the songs from her time. Her eyes widened in surprise when Hey Jude was playing. She started to sing along. Dean joined in. He felt his mothers hand on his back. And for one song every thing was alright. They would rescue Sam. They would be a family again. He looked to Cas who looked back, an approach of a smile on his lips.

They drove without a break. The sky turned from a bright blue to a cloudy grey to a dark orange to finally darkness. Mary fell asleep when the last rays of sunlight floated the car.  Dean turned the flashlight on and the music off, to not disturb Marys sleep. The only sound was the roaring of the Impala and the more distant sound of Jodys car behind them.

"Can i ask you something?" Cas said suddenly into the silence. "Go ahead" Dean responded curious.

"Why do you always put yourself under such stress and risk to safe each other?" Cas asked.

"because we're always in trouble?" Deans brow frowned in confusion. He didn't know what Cas mean.

"But what is your... motor?"

"Because we're family. And family means nobody get left behind."

"and you helped me.." Cas started but Dean continued"because you're part of the family, you're like" "a brother?" Cas finished.

"Yes. No. I mean... you are very important to me, Cas." The conversaition didn't excatly went how Dean wanted to. He felt like he lost control of the string and it was now making a hella enlacing mess.

"You now that i wouldn't be here when you wouldn't be the same to me" Cas said. 

Dean couldn't answer. A wave of overwhelming affection washed over him and left him speechless. He took one hand of the wheel and placed it on Cas shoudler, squeezing it, hoping Cas would understand.

He did.

Before the sun could appeare on the horizon again, Mary woke up and swapped seats with Dean so the other Winchester could take a nap. Dean thought he would be to nervous to sleep but at the end he was so exhausted that he fell asleep the moment he closed his eyes.

"Castiel" Mary addressed the angel nervous "can i ask you a question?"

"Of course" Cas replied.

"The last days i noticed that.... i don't know my son at all. I still see the four year old boy, not the man he is now. I missed so much.  And i wondered... tell me about Dean. Tell me about my son. Tell me how he is like. It hurts not to know him. To see him all grown up, not knowing how he became this man."

Cas was silent for a moment, thinking through what Mary said. He was so quiet that Mary wondered if he heard her at all.

"Dean is the bravest and best man i know" Cas started. "He and Sam have this urge to safe each other no matter the consequences. They both went through a lot but still stick to each other. Dean is.... a pure heart. Under all his roughness lays a kind and pure soul. He would never put somebody in danger when its avoidable but puts himself in every danger he can find. I never met a man i can trust more. And he is very fond of pie." Cas ended his monologue. Mary had listen silent, just smiled here and then. 

What they both didn't know was, that Dean had listen too. A hole in the street had made the car jump and woke him up. Then he heard Cas talking. About him. Without moving and with closed eyes he had listen how Cas had discribed him. Something hurt in his stomach. The knowledge that Cas had such a high opinion of him and that he didn't deserve it. It was true that he would always look out for Sammy and that he always tried to safe as many people as possible and that trouble would find him. But he knew that his soul was neither pure nor kind. He knew that he just tried to make demands for all the mistakes he made. For all the bad decions. That was not brave. That was selfish.

Dean waited some couple of minutes until he yawned loudly and sat up. "How far away are we?" he asked. 

"we should arrive in about 2 hours" Mary answered. Dean nodded and starred front. It was strange to sit the back row. He leaned back in the seat and starred at the back of Cas head.

2 more hours.