Who are you Jill Smith?

Chapter 6

I'm laying on my bed trying to think of a way to make it up to Jill—or atleast let her know that I'm sorry.

The pain kept lingering in my chest as I imagine the tears running down her cheeks—how the redness in her nose gradually reaching at surface. Her lips trembled for words of defence but was unable to do. I remember how I was the one who caused it; how I completely hurt her; how I added another reason to feel pain in her life. It was me.

I remember her smile and how cute all her reactions were up until now. It was all caused by Finn. No one had ever given her happiness other than Finn. All those breathtaking reactions, they were all caused by Finn and Finn alone.

Would Finn make her cry like I did?

The thought didn't help me at all. It made things so much worst for my system. I'm so angry. Not to Jill, not at the situation, but to me—bcause it was all me.

Just when I was about to punch my pillow out of frustration , someone just barged into my room; surprising me enough to make me jump away from these deep thoughts. It was my cousin, Adam.

"Hey! Whatssup!" He exclaimed, making my room vibrate from his sudden out burst.

"Adam." I said.

Adam was one of those typical college hype men. The guys who you always see in events. He was the easiest person to befriend with in parties, the popular get-together host—sandals, earrings, old used cars. Yep. The whole get up.

"Justin! How you doin, man?"

I never really understood why he was always so happy all the time but I eventually learned to just deal with it. Adam is practically my older brother who visits every once in a while from college. He keeps his schedule loose for any special events or parties around town.

"Can you please be quiet..." I asked.

Adam looked at me for a short period of time before catching the deal. "Hey, why you lookin down?" he asked, making that rare serious look on his face. Adam was never really the serious type, but when the situation calls for it, you know he gets right on it. He had always been the goofball that loved his friends and family and would do anything to help them out.

It took a while for me to decide whether to spill the beans or not, but eventually, I couldn't resist. Like I said, Adam isn't really the type to take most things seriously, but if you'd let him know that you really need him, you can count on him. Plus, I do need someone to talk to about this, even with just one guy. I would tell Finn, but too bad he's in on it.

"Wow." Was the first thing he said about the whole explanation. "I've never seen you like this before."

"Yeah, me too." I said, more to myself than to him.

"But why her? Why get so worked up on a stalker?"

"I don't know." I grimaced. "It's weird, right? She just feels...different."

I've always hated that line. The way it would leave me cringey and how it was the most overused line in the book; I just really find it extremely cheesy. But as much as I hated it and thought I would never use it, it was the only thing accurate enough to describe her. It's a stupid line, but boy how it just made sense.

"Just make her fall in love with you instead? Maybe that would solve the problem."

The thought made my cheeks burn up—but I quickly shrugged it off. "Not really possible."

"Not possible?" Adam winced. "Do you even hear yourself? Do you even know who you are?"

"Well, Jill's not like that." I said. "I'm telling you, she's crazy about Finn."

"Finn's a cool guy but he's no Justin Taylor." he joked. He gave me a wink and I rolled my eyes.

"She won't have it, trust me."

Adam then sat up straight. "Dude, even if you say that she's all different, she's still a girl. And what girl wouldn't fall for you?" Adam said certainly. "I'm telling you, you're a fucking chick magnet. Do you have any idea how many girls from my university would ask about you whenever we're tagged together in family events?"

But those girls aren't Jill. And that's all I care about. Jill.

"Adam, get real."

"Just hear me out, Justin." He insisted. "Listen, if you could make this Jill girl fall for you then wouldn't she just be like any other girl that fell in love with you? And doesn't that make her not so different after all?"

"What...does that have to do with anything?" I asked although I am sort of getting a picture here.

"Don't you see, Justin?" Adam nudged a little closer, making this look of certainty. "You're only acting like this because all you could think about is how different she is. You're getting obsessed cu'z you already have a singular idea about girls and when this girl didn't fit in that category, you became addicted to why she isn't."

I got quiet and thought about it. At first I wasn't buying it, but then I thought about it again. It still sounded absurd but gradually it was making sense in my head.

"If you could make her not so different anymore in your eyes..." Adam continued. "Then you wouldn't be thinking about her anymore. Think about it."

And I am. And as ridiculous as it sounded, I thought of giving it a try.