Who are you Jill Smith?

Chapter 7

It was gym time and I haven't seen Jill yet.

"All right everybody get ready for jumping jacks!" The gym teacher instructed.

I couldn't really follow. It was hot and I wasn't up for anything other than to get out and ditch. I looked around, wondering if I could see anything that could help distract me from this unpleasing feeling. Just when I thought nothing was gonna work, I see someone by the school garden. Guess what. It was Jill.

I couldn't possible let this go to waste. So I did what I had to do and sneaked over to Jill. But before that, I took something from my bag.

"Hey, Jill." I said, as casually as possible.

She didn't reply. That alone made the air so tight and awkward. I slightly scratched the back of my neck, making it as an excuse to find time to compose myself. I guess she was still hung up from what happened last time.

"I'm sorry about what I said yesterday. It was wrong for me to say them." I began, then slowly brought out the soda can that Finn gave her. This seemed to have caught her attention, cu'z soon after, Jill looked my way. She immediately spotted the soda can but averted her eyes as soon as she realized this.

"Listen, Jill." I tried again. I slightly tilt my head, starting to think this was going to be harder than I thought. "I know you're mad but are you willing to hear me out?"

"You don't need to apologize." She finally responded. "I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

I couldn't really tell. Her tone was emotionless and she still hasn't looked at me.

"No, not at all. It made me a bit sad thought because--" She said. "They were true. I was overreacting over a soda can."

She lowered her head, almost looking ashamed. "But I couldn't help it. I was just so happy that Finn...gave me something. It was a once in a life time chance for someone you like to actually give you something."

Hearing it from her own mouth, I felt more bad than I already am. My insides felt like they were eating me alive. The guilt was overbearing. My actions were undeniably impulsive, but I did them because I had a reason; I was mad. Though I still don't know why, but the feeling was so vivid and imprinted, that it's also impossible to deny. To think that Jill was happy for a thing that wasn't really thought out or was placed any efforts upon, how could that make any sense at all? 

"But, I also want to thank you, Justin." Her voice cut through my thoughts. "Thanks for telling me that Finn doesn't like me. It made me realize what's reality again. If you didn't tell me he didn't like me, then maybe I would have been hoping that he does. Even though I know he doesn't, I'd still hope for it regardless. It was a good wake up call--so thank you."

Her words cut through me. I stared at her sorrowful expression and struggled for any reactions towards it. I find myself sinking into her, like she was effortlessly consuming my entire being. I was spiraling in own guilt, hurt...and, shall I dare to say it? Jealousy.

What made it any worst was that although Jill was thanking me, she didn't turn to at least look at me.

I clenched my fist before daring to speak. "If you're not mad. Then why aren't you looking at me? Why won't you look at me?"

Please look at me. I want you to look at me.

When Jill was about to look my way, and how it made my heart race so much, a ball suddenly came flying towards her. Instincts took over and before it got any close to her, I ran and blocked the impact. The ball hit my back and I failed to keep my balance. With that, Jill and I fell on the ground. To add more with the mess, Jill was still holding onto her hose. It slipped out her hands, causing the water to sprinkle all over us, making us soaking wet.