Dear diary, which twin am i falling for.. (WATTY AWARDS)

Preface

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Dear diary,

Today WILL be different, it has to be. I will smile and make it believable. I will forget everything just for this one day, i'll be a normal happy girl at highschool. Maybe with a broken smile but that smile will say, 'im fine thank-you.' I will no longer be the girl who has been lied to by her own bestfriend and his twin. 

I can't even tell you the pain that i'm feeling right now diary, how could they? I feel like i was a toy used for one of there sick games. But the truth is i fell for them, or should i say one of them. I can't help but think who?

Who was my first kiss that i shared with on top of the ferris wheel? 

Who was it that took me on my first date?

Who was it who told me i was the one for him? That no matter how many steps i took back, he would always take the same amount of steps forward, except plus one so we'll be getting closer each time, and not further. 

These past few weeks have tought me not to take risks. Just to give up the moment something gets hard, because in the end you just end up getting hurt and become a walking disaster of bridget jones. But i've realised my reasons arn't reasons there excuses. Excuses keeping me away from the truth, hiding from the fact that i could be in love with someone that isn't Matthew, scared that if i let myself be happy for just a moment that the whole worlds going to come crashing down on me again.

Today i will start a fresh, be someone different, it's the only way i'll get through this day. This day being.. prom, meaning i have to see him again. Someone i haven't seen in 17 days now since the truth came out.

If you want to know everything from the start, then here's my story, here's where it all began.. 

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*BEEP BEEP BEEP!*

There goes my alarm again. Every morning same time! He should be coming around here in 3..2.. *KNOCK KNOCK*  there he is, right on cue. Ready to walk me to the 'better bus-stop' around the corner, that no one else goes to. I suppose you all are wondering 'who's 'he'?' well, he's my best friend, or rather was. We used to be completely inseperable, but since we started high school, we hardly even talk. No, that's a lie. We always talk! just not in front of anyone.. Yeah, you've all guessed right. He's the popular one, the captain of the football team, who all the girls want to be with and all the guys want to be. He wasnt always like that, back in pre-school i was probably his only friend! Then he started actually bothering with the way he looks. 

   Okay, so why am i telling you all this? im telling you because ive done exactly the same as what every other girl from Camp-wood high has. Fallen in love with him. I cant help it! He's perfect. The way he looks at you differently to everyone else, like he really cares. And his eyes, oh god his eyes! Anyway.. nowadays all i get is a 'see you after school' look, or a 'call for me when you get home?' look. There's never actually any communication between the hours of 8:30am and 2:30pm, 2:45pm if hes walking home with jake. 

  Jake's the type of guy that you wouldnt EVER take home to your parents. He's loud and stupid and kindaaaa looks like a coconut.. but he's a nice guy i think. I think he's the guy that made Matty so popular, so yes, a coconut!

  Most of you are probably wondering, 'well why the hell are you still friends with this guy?!' and my answer would be; 
             I just want you to remember that one person in your life that you would do literally anything for, that one person that only has to shout your name and you'd be there as fast as your legs could carry you, the person you shared 11 summer's with and 11 snuggly winters! the person that knows more about you than you do and who you could tell anything in the world to.. well that's matthew. And then plus the fact that your i love with 'that person'.
                               would you stop being friends with them just because there a lot more popular than you and they hate being seen around school with you? okay.. i know that sounds really bad but seriously its okay!  maybe im just a super positive person..