Dear diary, which twin am i falling for.. (WATTY AWARDS)

Chapter Four

'Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!' i could hear Hannah's voice no more than a meter away, as she started opening my curtains, letting the light flash through and lighten the room. I could feel the heat on my arms from the sun that was sitting directly outside my window. 

'Come on, ash! you've been stewing in your bed for nearly a week now! You've gotta move sometime!' Why are all my friends so impatient?! 

'Give me a few more days, please!' i begged. ' I dont wanna get out just yet' I could tell by hannahs tone of voice, her sighing and tutting that she was getting stressed with me. 

'Ive just been sat downstairs since 8am! (checks watch) Thats 3 whole hours ashley! 3 whole hours talking to your mother about you, i cant take no more! Your gonna get ready, and were going for coffee.' 

I sniggered at the thought of Hannah and my mother, sitting at the kitchen table with awkward silences every 2 minutes and my mum showing her, the massive collection of aprons and tea-towels she's got going on.

'Okay, okay!' i moaned. 'Give me two minutes' I dragged my lifeless body out of my bed and pulled on my worn blue jeans with the ripped legs, a baggy hoodie and my pumps, pulled my hair back in to a ponytail and sat back on my bed, waiting for Hannah to approve what just happened.

She smiled at me and with a laugh said 'Good girl!' we both ran down the stairs as i told my mum i was going out, she gave me the 'seriously? youve actually moved' look. And away we went. 

When we got to the coffee shop, we both sat down and ordered our usual, two skinny latte with foam on top and chocolate sprinkles! mmmmmmm. 

After sitting for 2 hours and talking with hannah, she convinced me to go and speak to Matthew. It wasn't a 'look, im sorry.. your sorry..' talk. It was more of an 'I seriously couldn't care any less about you anymore' talk. Im a strong individual! i dont need him in my life, yeah he was  my best friend. But what type of person does that? he's even more of a whimp than me.

Fortunately for me, i didn't have to go far. He walked in to the coffee shop, on his own. Sitting in the seats we always sat in, with a book. This was so weird. Matthew didn't read! He was 'too cool' to read. I sat exactly twelve seats away from him, staring at his face deep in concentration while he was reading, wow. He looked so serene, so peaceful. The way he pouted his lips slightly and closed his eyes a tiny bit, so mysterious. What happened between us? I had that weird feeling in my mouth, that told me i was gonna cry. I couldn't stop looking at him, couldn't stop remembering how close and perfect we both were together. The memories came flooding back... 
________________________________SIX YEARS AGO_____________________________ 

'Come on ash! i promise i wont push you too high, just get on!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yeah come on! do it!'

I climbed on the swing, and with every push i could feel his supportive hands pushing the bottom of my back. I looked up, the sky was clear blue, no clouds. I felt like i was flying. Everything was perfect, it was as if there were background music playing as he was pushing me, we were both laughing and i felt like there was no point i could ever get pushed too far. 
'Uh-oh..' Matthew stopped pushing me and wrapped his arms around my waist to stop me from swinging.
'Here comes Max and his mates' I remember him saying.
Max walked over to us, 'we want that swing' all i can remember was thinking 'take it then, you can have it' but Matty moved infront of me and blocked me from the 'cool kids' ..
'Well you cant have this one, were on it. Theres 2 more over there, go use them.'
'and what are you gonna do about it, Matthew?'
'i'll go let your mom know that you smoke'
'i dont care, she doesnt scare me' 
Matthew turned to me, 'Come on ash, there's way better stuff to do at mine anyways, we can go there'' He grabbed hold of my small hand, pulled me off the swing and we walked back to his.
Everything was real then, no fake girls, no katie, no populars. We were real best friends, that's all ive ever wanted.

____________________________BACK TO REALITY_______________________________

I whipped my head forward 'Ashely!! Ashhhhhley!!' Hannahs' face was in mine and she was waving in front of me.
'Woah, sorry, what's up again?'
'You wasn't listening?! Matthew's sat over there, go tell him girl! Tell him everything you feel, make him realize your not gonna be pushed around by some jerk!'
Tell him everything huh? If only i could.. Ive been sat here for the past 10 minutes staring at him, remembering the past, and he hasnt even recognised im here.
'Nah, i'd rather go round to his Han, i dont wanna cause a fuss' She looked at me as if to say 'You for real?!' but then she just shook her head, smiled and followed me walking out of the coffee shop.

Hannah looked at me with a weird look. 'ive been thinking' she said.
'You wanna go out tonight? have a good time?' Then i realised what 'the look' meant. It was a 'You know you want to' look. And yessssss i so wanted to!  

'HANNAH,i can't go out looking like this.' 

I looked in the tall mirrow before me, what the hell has she done to me. I heard a low laugth ascape from me, who am i kidding, if i give her permission to make me look 'mighty fine' has she would say, she would always i repeat always takes it to her advantage. But this time me and her both know she's took it too far.

I looked at the short champane coloured dress that clung to me in all the right places, but yet barley even covered my arse, im going to kill her. However, the sweetheart neckline busted my confidence and made me feel rather lush. I looked up at my face, and gasped. It looked nothing like me, my soft curls hung loosely over my face, and my brown eyes stood out a mile of, with the dark smokey eye effect that Hannah says is one of her best elements.

I smiled at myselft, tonight i am not going to be me. Someone completely different. Someone who doesn't give a shit that her bestfriend will never love her the way she does, and someone who will drink like theres no tommorow. 

'WHAT?you look so dam hot girl!' Hannah poped her head through the bedroom door. She looked beautiful, her hair was perfectly straight with not even one kink in it. Her blue eyes, were beaming at me, and her light blue short dress that looked simular to mine showed of her curvey figue. 

'hehe, nothing lets go', i grabbed her by the hand and practically dragged her down the hallway with me. I laugthed, its normally her doing this.

I took one last look at my bedroom door that we just left, and i couldnt help but think that i've left the sweet innocent Ashley behind. I mean ofcourse i'll come back to her in the morning, but tonight she needed to stay there. I needed this.

I took one last deep breath before turning to walk down the stairs, here goes nothing.

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