Just writings.

11

"I can't do this." I tell him, letting go of his hand.

"No, you can do this, you just don't want to." He said, sighing.

"No it's not-" I start to protest but he cuts me off.

"No, Vivian, no! Don't tell me its nothing like that because it is. You think that just because Ryan left you, you've got nothing and that everybody is going to leave you! That's the thing, Viv!" Luke shouts at me.

I froze in my place.

"After what Ryan did, you're so hesitant to give someone else a try! Goddammit, Vivian, can't you see? I'm in love with you!" He says, taking my hands in his own.

I look at him, tears threatening to spill out.

"Can't you see what I'm doing for you? Have I not proved it to you yet that I'm never leaving you?" He asks, hurt evident in his eyes.

I look away, biting my lip.

"What else do you want me to do? I will do it, Viv. I will do anything for you." He says, pulling me closer to him.

I put my hands around his neck, just as his hands find their way around my waist.

"What should I do for you, Vivian?" He whispers in my ear.

I think about it, and then smile to myself before whispering to him.

"Let me go."

I could feel his body stiffen. His grip tightened around my waist.

"That's what you want me to do?" He asked, his voice cracking. I nod my head.

"Viv, I-"

"You said you'd do anything for me, Luke. This is what I want you to do." I tell firmly and start to move away from him, but he just holds me closer to him.

"Not yet, please. If that's what you want me to do, then okay, I'll do it. But please... Don't let go yet." He said. I sigh and stay with him.

"So what happens after this? After I let you go?" He asks me.

"I don't know." I say as I unwrap myself from him and move away. "But we will get our answer eventually, won't we?"

He looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Please, don't go. Don't make me let you go. I love you, Vivan."

I smile at him sadly. "I love you too, Luke. I do. But I have to go."

"But you don't have to!" He says.

"But I do." I reply and peck his cheek. I look at him one last time and turn around to walk away from him.

"I won't fight for you anymore if you leave this place. I won't look for you, I won't ask for you. I will move on. If you leave this place, I will just be a part of your past." He whispers loud enough for me to hear him.

Tears spill out of my eyes.

"That's what I want, Luke. I want you to move on. You can do so much better than me. And you'll know it when I leave this place, when you find someone else. Someone who'll always be yours to call." I say to him, looking at him once again.

He shakes his head. "I don't know what to tell you. But just so you know, you'll always have a piece of me." He says.

He gives me a small, heartbroken smile and starts to walk away.
And he doesn't look back.

I fall to the ground and cry, letting my heart break once again.

But this time, it's me who broke my own heart.

What have I done?