Shapeshifter

Chapter Nineteen: Secrets and Lies

I shifted and turned, galloping away from what I saw. I shook out my mane and picked up my speed, galloping flat out to my old house. I shifted back and hurried inside, collapsing on my bed and bursting into tears. I lost Sam and now I didn't have Zac. I messed up. I wiped away my tears and stared at the ground but the tears came back, worse than before. I hugged myself and curled up in a ball, letting the tears fall.

I opened my eyes rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling and biting my lip. I couldn't remember when I went to sleep or how long I was asleep for. "What do we do now, Dawn?"

'Go back to Sam.' She said and that brought on a new round of tears but I held them back.

"I don't know if we can, Dawn. We've hurt him so many times."

'Listen to me. Me, Your inner horse! Don't listen to the demons in your head! Please, listen to me. He loves you, Cj. He will forgive you. He will take you back. Trust him. Trust me. Trust yourself."

I sat up and bursted into tears, covering my face with my hands. "What if he doesn't take us back?"

'He will.'

The tears stopped and I blinked, staring at the ground and zoning out. Maybe he would, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. He may forgive me, but I don't forgive myself for what I did. I snapped myself out of my trance and pulled my phone out of my pocket, calling Sebastian. He picked up and I could hear them talking. "Shut up, Leo. Jesus you're weird." He said before turning his attention to me. "Hey, sorry, Cj."

"Hi." I said, sniffling afterwards.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I'm... I'm just being... Bye." I hung up and dropped my phone next to me, letting the tears fall. My phone started buzzing and I picked it up, staring at Sebastian's name. I answered it and brought the phone to my ear.

"Tell me what's wrong and don't lie." He said as soon as I answered, not letting me say hello.

"I'm just tired of everything happening right now." I said. It wasn't a total lie. I was tired of everything happening.

"Tell me the truth, Cj." He said.

"I am telling you the truth!" I growled and Sebastian sighed.

"Cj,"

"He found his mate." I whispered.

"Zac found his mate? That's great for him. So when are you coming home?" Sebastian asked.

I sighed. "I can't. I hurt Sam. I don't deserve to go back. I hurt the person who means the world to me." There was silence on the other end and I was becoming confused. Did they put me on mute?

"Guys, I really need someone right now. I have no one. I'm at our old house, I stayed the night here and all I've done is cry. I don't know what's happened to me. I've messed everything up. Leo, I never told you this but I'm depressed and I cut. I'm also suicidal. Sebastian stopped me from killing myself when he and I met. I got better but my thoughts are messing me up and I've gone back. I've decided I'm going to stay at... No. It's better you guys don't know. You're safer without me; physically and mentally. I'm sorry. Goodbye." I hung up and put my phone down, sobbing uncontrollably into my hands. I knew I couldn't stay with Zac. It would be awkward, especially with his mate in the picture. I had to leave. I was staying here. Where else could I go? I knew Leo and Sebastian were safer away from me. Safer from the pack after me and safer from me.