Shapeshifter

Chapter Sixteen: Giving Up

I stepped back away from Zac and stared at him in shock. Did I hear him right? "Are you serious?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yes, you can stay at my pack for as long as you want." He confirmed verbally. I fell silent, thinking carefully about this.

"What about Leo and Sebastian? They can come too, right?" I asked. No way in hell was I going to be separated from them. Zac pursed his lips together and he looked deep in thought.

"I suppose they can." I beamed with happiness and wrapped my arms around him in a hug.

"Thank you." I whispered in his ear. "I'll go find them." He nodded and I ran back inside, weaving my way through dancing teenagers until I found my best friends. "Guys. We need to talk." I shouted over the music. They nodded and I led the way outside. Zac was down by the cars, on the phone to someone. I shrugged it off and turned to Leo and Sebastian.

"What is it, Cj?" Leo asked.

"We're moving to Zac's pack." I said and their faces fell instantly.

"What?" They asked at the same time.

"Zac has offered for us to stay at his pack. I need to get away from Sam's pack."

"So you go to the enemies pack?" Leo growled, not believing the words that had left my mouth.

"He's not the enemy! Not anymore. Our enemy is the same one from the beginning."

"Cj, what about Sam? Are you going to reject him as your mate and mate with Zac?" Sebastian asked and I lost my words. My mouth moved but nothing came out. My chest ached and my heart felt heavy.

"N-no. T-that's not w-what I'm doing. I'm just changing packs. That's all." I said but they didn't look convinced.

"Cj, we got put as warriors for the pack. We can't leave and reject our duty." Leo said.

"You're not coming with me, are you?" I asked and they shook their heads. I nodded and slowly turned away from them. "Okay. It's fine. I suppose you should get on with your lives. You don't need to stay with me anymore."

"Cj, that's not-"

"It's fine. Bye guys. Enjoy the rest of prom." I said, cutting Sebastian off. I turned and hugged myself, walking to the cars. Zac walked up to me and smiled but I didn't return it. "I'll be at your pack tomorrow, I need time by myself. Leo and Sebastian aren't coming." He nodded. "Go back inside, enjoy prom, for the both of us." He nodded and hesitantly walked back to the school.

"Cj," Charlie started.

"Charlie, give me your phone. Please." I said. He gave me his phone and I called Sam. As I suspected, he picked up.

"Hey bro, how's prom going?"

"Sam, it's Cj. I'm leaving! I'm going to another pack. Fucking be happy without me! I'm not rejecting you but I'm not coming back! Fucking reject me if you want, I don't care! Everyone hates me so I don't care if that pack finds me. Maybe I'll let them take me or I'll get them to kill me. Goodbye." I hung up and walked back to Charlie.

"Cj-" I slammed his phone in his hands and held my left hand up, silencing him as I walked away. I walked behind a few cars and stopped, looking back at the school. I could see Sebastian, Leo, Becky and Elise near the building and Charlie was in the same place as I left him, on the phone this time but I didn't care. I shifted into my horse form and trotted to Charlie, jumping into a canter once I was near him. "Cj. Wait! You need to talk to..." He trailed off when he realised I wasn't stopping.

I always seemed to run. That's all I did. I ran from my problems, I didn't stay and fight; I ran. It's all I did. I ran. I ran. I ran. I wasn't strong. I wasn't brave. All I did was mess up. Stupid, I thought to myself. Useless. Pathetic. Weak, I repeated over and over to myself. I was going back to the place in my mind I thought I'd never visit again. I cantered all the way to the house near the woods, shifting back and bursting into tears as soon as I was human again. I held my stomach and fell to my knees. All I could concentrate on was the agony of my heart shattering and the fuzziness in my head. My thoughts were swirling around in my skull and I was lost between everything that popped into my head. Good things disappeared and bad things replaced them. My brain replayed all the bad times in my life, creating a flood of negativity to centre in my head. I was drowning in my thoughts and I couldn't surface from the raging current that kept me under.

I couldn't breathe, through my harsh gasps for air, I was unable to take in enough oxygen to relieve my lungs. They were screaming for oxygen, my heart was screaming to be mended and my mind was screaming for everything to stop. I couldn't cope. I was losing myself, I knew I was. I was breaking even more. My heart felt like it had shattered and my soul was broken. I lost my mate and Dawn wasn't talking to me and Leo and Sebastian chose a rank over me. I thought they'd be there for me. No, they would always be there. I knew they would. I couldn't let myself believe that they didn't care anymore. I knew they cared, but why didn't I believe it anymore?

I got to my feet and walked inside, to my room. I sat on the bed and pulled my bedside drawer open, taking out a little round box I hadn't opened since I met Sebastian.

'Cj, don't do it. Please. This ruined us last time. Sebastian saved us and we promised him not to do this again.' Dawn soft voice echoed in my head. I turned and look at myself in the mirror; my hair was a mess and my eye makeup was running down my face and my eyes showed nothing. They looked dead. I looked dead. 'You don't need to do this. You aren't stupid. You aren't pathetic. You aren't weak. You aren't useless. You're strong, Cj. And Sam does still love you.'

"No he doesn't. Sam doesn't love me. Not anymore."

'He does. He does love you.'

"If he loved me, why would he leave? Why would he ignore me? Why would he hurt me?"

'You did the same thing to him, remember?'

She was right. When I thought it was better that he stayed away from me, I hurt him by saying he should stay away and then again, just before he started ignoring me, I ran away. "I'm sorry." I whispered, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. "I'm sorry, Dawn. I'm sorry that you had to end up with me."

I dropped the box and sat on the edge of the bed. The darkness was back, but I couldn't let it win. I had to fight it. I had to come out on top, not the silly little voice in my head.

"Dawn I'm an idiot. I've lost him. In a way, I just told him to piss off. I said he could reject me. I'm such an idiot. I don't know what I did to hurt him but I feel like shit because of it." She was silent. Everything was, except for my sobs which held pain and suffering. I looked in the mirror again and stared at the broken girl before me. Her once beautiful grey eyes were nothing more than a sea of pain and defeat. If you looked long enough into her eyes, you could see the destruction the shards of her shattered heart caused, and how broken her soul was. The pain had overtaken her but she couldn't - no, wouldn't - let it kill her. It was becoming too much for her but she wouldn't crumble. She may be a broken soul carrying around a frail corpse, but she wasn't going to let that define her. "I'm sorry for what you've become. But we'll bring you to life again."

~Sam's POV~

"What happened to me, Dawn? Why have I become what I have? I'm lost in my own mind and I've lost who I really am. I don't know myself anymore. I feel broken. I've lost everything I care most about. Why did it all go so wrong?" My mate cried.

I stood near the bedroom window, listening to her every word and my heart was aching. What did happen to her? What was happening in that poor little mind of hers? I had never seen her this... Broken.

Edited 02/12/2017