latibule ➳ bucky barnes

25. echoes

Darkness seemed to be her only friend now.

Anastasia missed colours. She missed the blanket of emerald and blotches of darkened green, the low hue of grey, the streaks of lavender and cherry in the sky as the day transitioned into night, the golden orb that glowed ever so vibrantly it washed out the other colours, but it didn't drown them, it merely allowed them to float in its mercy, giving a simple colour such as yellow millions of different, unique shades.

She missed the colour blue the most though. She missed the clear azure sky that greeted her on a calm day, the welcoming navy blue of the lights illuminating from the tower and most of all, the one-of-a-kind shade of periwinkle that could only be seen in Bucky's lovely eyes.

In this world of absolute blackness save for the speck of brightness that she couldn't reach, it was lifeless and empty. It was as if she had been swallowed by shadows, a black hole of nothingness. She was comfortable, she never grew hungry or yearned for liquid, she felt perfectly healthy.

Yet it was unnerving, this darkness.

She still preferred the calmness of the realm of course, but time allowed her to reflect upon her actions and her identity, her heart, and she was faced with the inevitable realisation that something was lacking.

Something that was indescribable, something that was the skip of a smitten heart, the butterflies of an anxious stomach, the warmth of reddened cheeks, the fuzziness in a chest that was given a kiss from a lover, the feeling of... completeness.

The longer she stayed in the darkness, the fainter those echoes got. They were distant, untouchable, unreachable. They were but a spectre of the void, a whisper in an invisible wind that came and go in an endless circle, a meaningless cycle. It was mocking her, daring her to investigate, to stop being a pathetic, useless coward and stand up for once in her godforsaken life and do something, anything. On some occasions she listened and stood up, wandering around aimlessly. Sometimes she got close to the light, so close she could reach for it, feel it.

She could feel the familiar warmth of the people she loved, she could feel the coziness of her own bed, covered under layers of her own blankets, she could feel the touch of another, sometimes stroking her hair, sometimes running a finger up and down her back, sometimes just a presence. But alongside that, she could also feel the world on her shoulders, the sadness and grim reality, the destruction and chaos. It was a terrifyingly beautiful balance, a risk, one that she was not willing to take.

So much time alone allowed her to dig through her mind and explore her thoughts.

Her thoughts kept drifting back to Reina, her older sister, the sister that loved her despite their parents' hate towards her, who loved her and adored her despite her lack of confidence and tendency to distant herself from others. Reina was a good person, protective, cold, perhaps blunt and rude when people first meet her, but like what her fans depicted her as, she was an incredible person with a genuine heart.

And now Reina was dead, because Anastasia miscalculated and thought that they wouldn't kill their leverage. Apparently they were correct though, she hated seeing people hurt, which was why she chose to become a doctor in the first place. But this time, she refused to give in, she refused to allow them to win, because HYDRA always got their way. If they got Bucky back, all hell would break loose. The ends do justify the means, as tragic and horrific the means may be.

The echo resonated through the space again, in strange, distorted voices that she now grew used to. Again, it called her into the light, pushing her, urging her to leave, but the voices seemed frightening to her now, because it was unexplainable and out of this world, and she hated it. So she remained rooted in the spot she chose to reside in, far enough from the light that it seemed dim.

And that's where she stayed.

➳ ➳ ➳ ➳ ➳ ➳ ➳

"I've been patient with you, with all of you, but these missions aren't going to complete themselves." Nick growled at Bucky, Chase and Loki.

Bucky inwardly groaned. The Director of SHIELD had been breathing down his neck every single day lately because he hadn't been on a single mission for almost three whole months. Chase and Loki were both in similar positions, though Loki had a good excuse for the first few weeks.

However, Bucky didn't want to go, and neither did the two people with him. They wanted to remain by Anastasia's side in case she woke up. Although now that two months had passed by, it became more of an if than a when she woke up.

"Director Fury, with all-"

"I'm not taking that bullshit again." Nick snapped, interrupting Chase, "Underwood, you're going straight to Pakistan with Barnes. Loki, you'll deal with the problems in Sudan with your brother. These aren't requests, they're orders, and I'm not giving you anymore chances."

"But Ana-"

"-will still be here when you come back." Nick stated furiously. "Any other objections and you won't be an Avenger any longer. I don't care if you're a prodigy, a super soldier or a damn god, if you don't have the ability to follow simple orders, then you're useless to us."

This caused a silence to fall upon the four people. They knew not to mess with Nick Fury, he didn't joke around, so when he said he'd get rid of them, they knew he was dead serious, and they also knew that if they weren't under the protection of SHIELD and the Avengers, they'd be arrested on site. After all, they did technically commit crimes that would land them in prison of the highest security.

Nick waited for any response, and when there weren't any, he said, "good. You're all leaving in two days. Be prepared."

Two days passed by in a blur, and Bucky found himself about to head to a mission in two months. It felt strange, and terrifying at the same time. He didn't want to leave Anastasia alone, that was what caused her to get captured in the first place, but he knew Nick was right. She wasn't going anywhere, especially since security was heightened in the tower.

Chase approached him and asked, "you said goodbye yet?"

"No, have you?"

Chase nodded. "You should go, we don't know how long this mission will last."

Bucky knew this too, and it wasn't an encouraging fact. He entered Anastasia's room as usual, sadly being greeted with the same sight; white walls, dying flowers accompanied by fresh ones and Anastasia's still figure on the bed. He only had a short amount of time before they took off, so he made it quick.

Again, he took her hand and began to talk, "hey... Ana, it's me. I... I came to tell you that I'm leaving for the mission I told you about yesterday. I don't know how long it'll last, or how long I'll be away but... please don't give up while I'm gone." he squeezed her hand tightly, "please hold on, and keep fighting, so you can wake up, so I can see those beautiful eyes of yours, that gorgeous smile of yours and hear that amazing voice of yours again. Please, please wake up soon so I can tell and show you how much I care about you."

He kissed her hand and a tear involuntarily slipped down his cheek. He studied her again, knowing it may be a while until he saw her again. He memorised every detail of her face, from the shades of her hair, to the faint shadows hinting her cheekbones, to the texture of her skin. He took it all in, and before he left, he planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I love you." he whispered, the words so soft and breathless it was almost inaudible. The quiet words didn't even echo in the empty room, it was only heard by Bucky himself.

But it wasn't just Bucky.

It was heard by her.

Deep inside the dark abyss of her own mind, Anastasia heard it, not as distorted echoes, but as clear words.

The clearest words she had heard in a long while.