latibule ➳ bucky barnes

26. visions

Anastasia heard him.

She heard him clearly, not as those horrible echoes, but in his voice. His voice.

Tears prickled her eyes, tears of joy of hearing Bucky's voice, tears of shame for being such a coward, and tears of sadness when she realised just how lonely, how empty she had become. She was the shell of her former self, a body without a soul, and it took a toll on her.

But now, now a tidal wave of hope washed over her, and she allowed it to seep into her flesh, filling her body and core. Suddenly the light didn't seem so bad anymore. It still had that touch of misery and destruction that always drove her away, but now, she was determined to reach Bucky, reach Chase, reach Loki and Sam and Clint and Nick and everybody else waiting for her.

The fact was, they were trying for her. They kept her alive even when she was meant to die. They kept fighting and hoping for her, and all this time, she was doing nothing. All this time, those echoes were them, and she ignored them. She ignored them all.

So why should she not try when they were?

She took a deep breath and, although there was this shadow of doubt relentlessly pushing her back, forced herself into the light.

She almost regretted it.

Like magic, pain erupted from her chest and spread through her body faster than wildfire. She felt it from the top of her head to the tip of each of her toes. Breathing became harder, more difficult, and she was taking sharp gasps in order to keep the oxygen flowing through her body.

Maybe this was death instead. Maybe she had been mistaken.

She always thought death was peaceful, serene. Was it meant to be painful, or was it her punishment for some unknown crime she had committed?

But then it changed. Her body now felt like lead, and although her breathing was normal, her chest felt heavier and more full than ever. She felt more alive than ever.

Then Anastasia felt herself lying on a mildly soft material, her head resting on what was clearly a pillow. The familiar tang of chemicals and antibiotics filled her nostrils. She felt slightly cold, but the surprisingly comfortable blanket that covered most of her body insulated her well.

She wasn't hooked up to any life-saving machine, which was a relief. She could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor, and the faint noise of the New York City street outside only made her heart swell with happiness.

Her body was numb but with concentration, she slowly curled her toes and fingers. She forced her eyelids to open and welcomed the sight of the bland white walls and that splash of colour from flowers the others were clearly placing in the room.

It was dark though, and the twinkling stars and silver moon in the sky told her that it was late at night.

She almost forgot how lively New York City was. Even in the dead of night, there were people buzzing around in the streets. She pushed herself into a sitting position and for a long while, she sat there, staring out the window at the colourful world she dared to keep herself away from.

She was home.

She, somehow, forgot just what the colours truly looked like. It was like discovering the world again, all the shades of blue, red and yellow, the warmth and the equally powerful cold, the beauty of the world as well as its destruction. She forgot why she loved the world in the first place; it was destructive, yet it was beautiful, and to be beautiful even at its worst moment was admirable to say the least. It was nothing like the blank void she hid herself in, it was different, it was better. She was such a fool to think otherwise.

"Doctor Volkov, it's wonderful to see that you're awake." J.A.R.V.I.S.'s familiar voice rang through her ears, causing her to yelp in surprise. It was obvious she had to get used to him popping up everywhere again.

"It's good to be back." Anastasia responded, soaking in the Earth again, allowing it to envelop her in its arms and show her the greener side of the field, not the desolate wasteland she felt back then.

A cold draft kissed her skin when she thought back of her treatment from HYDRA.

As fast as the happiness came, it drained from her body when she truly recalled her time in HYDRA. It was incredible how she almost forgot the world, but she could still remember the beating like it had happened an hour beforehand. She shuddered at the thought.

"I shall contact Director Fury of your awakening." J.A.R.V.I.S. stated, snapping her out of her dark thoughts.

It seemed it would take a long while for her to recover from that experience, which was slightly ironic considering she should be the therapist.

"Do you think he'll be mad at me?" Anastasia asked the A.I., "f-for... being away so long?"

"I'm certain he will be glad." J.A.R.V.I.S. responded, completely oblivious to the foolish choice she had made.

Anastasia stopped talking after that and focused more on getting rid of those memories that now kept returning into her mind whether she wanted it or not. It was like faulty tap. Once it starts, it won't stop.

And it never did. When she tried to keep them away they always lingered at the back of her mind, haunting her, whispering horrible things and flashing unwanted images into her vision.

The door of the room suddenly opened, and Nick was the first one to enter, turning the lights on in the process. Following him was everyone else, though Anastasia could spot several missing people. Unlike literally everyone else, Nick was in his usual black outfit, whereas the others were normal, sane people who wore their sleepwear at night.

"Ana!" Clint exclaimed, rushing over to embrace her. The hug took her by surprise, because it felt like decades since she felt human contact.

Not since... then.

Clint was squeezing her so hard it was painful. The sensation jolted through her veins, causing the images to become clearer. She quickly pushed Clint away to get rid of them, but seeing his questionable look, she quickly said, "I-I think that was long enough."

Everyone took turns giving Anastasia a hug, as they all missed her. Only Nick squeezed her shoulder, but that was equivalent to the tightest embrace from him.

"Where's... Chase, and Thor, and Loki, and Bucky?" Anastasia questioned, her heart sinking at their absence.

"I sent them on a mission recently." Nick informed firmly, "Underwood, Barnes and Loki all refused to leave your side, something had to be done."

Anastasia laughed, imagining how her three friends would do that. She could just see how it all unfolded, with them slowly realising they really have no choice.

"How long was I out for?"

"Three months." said Natasha.

Anastasia's eyes widened. Three months?! She had been hiding for three months, avoiding all responsibilities and this world, and all this time, they've been holding onto the hope that she'd wake up.

For three months.

Seeing her panicked and distressed expression, Nick said, "alright, that's enough. Let Doctor Volkov get her rest, we'll continue this discussion tomorrow."

All the Avengers filed out of the room, and when the lights were off again, even J.A.R.V.I.S. bid farewell. Anastasia laid back down on her bed and tried to sleep, but now that she was truly alone and not marveling at the Earth, she had time to think.

Instantly, her time in HYDRA came back to her, like it was bound to her, kept on an unbreakable chain attached to her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, she was back there, in that room, in those hallways, seeing the red that decorated the walls and floor.

It terrified her. All she wanted was to sleep and forget all her worries, but she always struggled with slumber even before this whole incident. This just made it all worse.

She shifted in bed too many times to count before finally feeling drowsy and letting sleep overcome her.

But instead of the peaceful sleep she yearned for, nightmares plagued her subconscious mind.