A Change Of Site

Dedicated to DavidBeck because he is awesome and has helped me out so much. I wouldn't even know about this site if it wasn't for him, so thanks for everything David!:)

I reuploaded this because I had set my rating to restricted because I thought some parts might be a little much for younger readers, but I realized by doing that I would lose a lot of readers. So I made a few minor adjustments so that it would be more appropriate. Vote, comment, etc. etc. etc. Thanks for reading!:)

CHAPTER ONE

I pulled my jeans up to my waist and then pulled my shirt over my head, hiding my bare chest. I stared at posters on the wall as I got dressed to avoid eye contact. It was always so awkward after sex. What do you say to someone after that? Good job? Whenever Carmen and I had sex she usually said something like, “That was amazing, babe,” and then we would cuddle. I didn’t mind cuddling usually. Carmen had really soft skin and smelled like strawberries. But today I didn’t want to cuddle. Not because there was anything wrong with Carmen, but because this wasn’t Carmen. Carmen couldn’t know this side of me. No one could.

          I think his name was Dustin. I didn’t care to remember it. He was a little older than me, probably mid-twenties. He had brown hair that fell to his shoulders and a pretty nice body. I don’t remember much else about him though. I met him on this website called Dudesmeet.com. It was pretty much a bunch of horny gay guys cruising for sex. The best thing about it was there were no strings attached. When I stopped talking to one I could just log on and find another. Those guys jumped at the chance to hook up with me. In a sea full of fairy boys and old pervs here I was, straight, masculine, and in shape. It was open season.

          “Can I expect to see you again, Blake?” asked Dustin.

          “Yeah, sure. I’ll call you.” But I knew I wasn’t going to call him. I never called guys back after these things. I had gotten what I wanted and honestly didn’t want to see him again. I gave the Dustin guy a half-hearted smile as I left his apartment and headed to my car. On the drive home I blasted some Coldplay and tried to get the prior events out of my head. That’s what I always did. I would act like it never happened and erase it from my mind.

          When I got home I went straight for the shower. I always felt disgusting after having sex with a guy. I knew I wanted it, but afterwards I couldn’t understand how I could do such a thing. I scrubbed hard in an attempt to wash the gay off of me. As I dried off I checked myself out in the mirror, admiring my six pack abs and muscular pecs. I messed with my hair a little bit, considering whether or not I should dye it. I had been blonde all my life and I was thinking it might be time for a change.

After I got cleaned up I called Carmen. I liked to be with her after I hooked up with someone so I could reassure myself that I was into girls. I felt horrible for doing these things behind her back, but how could I explain this to her? I couldn’t even explain it to myself. Sex with Carmen was usually pretty good. So why did I always have these urges to be with a guy? It made absolutely no sense to me, but I didn’t like thinking about it so I went on with my routine. Go to school, play soccer, be with Carmen, eat, sleep, occasionally meet up with a dude and do it all over again. That was my life.

          I went to Carmen’s house that night and we watched a cliché romantic comedy and ate popcorn, her favorite pastime. Her caramel toned face looked beautiful in the light from the TV. Her long dark brown hair fell down the side of her face and her teeth gleamed every time she smiled at one of the cheesy lines in the movie.

          “Isn’t that sweet, Blake?” asked Carmen, squeezing my hand and breaking my train of thought.

          “Yeah I guess,” I replied.

          “Are you even watching?”

          “Of course,” I lied.

          As the credits started to roll, Carmen looked at me with a look that I recognized all too well. She wanted me and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. So I gave her what she wanted. I leaned in and started to kiss her. First slow, soft kisses. Then it started to get more aggressive. She climbed on top of me and her hands ran all over my body. She pulled my shirt over my head and I unbuttoned her blouse. She moaned and gasped for air as we got further along. When all of our clothes were off, she laid down and pulled me on top of her. She pulled me in and continued to ask for more.

“Please don’t stop! Yes!”

I started to go faster and harder and watched her eyes roll back. Her exclamations always boosted my confidence. It made me feel like a man. How could I be gay if I’m banging the shit out of my girlfriend? But as much as I hated to admit it, it was kind of disappointing compared to my experience from earlier in the day. I didn’t finish. I rarely did with Carmen. Sometimes I even faked it and “cleaned up” before she could see anything. But I made her believe she was the most amazing thing since sliced bread.

          After a little cuddling, I decided to head home. When I got home I plopped onto my bed, still horny. I jacked off thinking about earlier with the Dustin guy, and then dozed off to sleep before I could feel disgusted with myself.