Kai was now three months old and time with my baby was going really fast I loved him so much. I now feel confident to now go out and tell people happily that I am the mother and Reece is the father, although many people will judge many of my decisions I do not care any more. Reece is in my thoughts everyday I think from time to time it is pathetic to think of him but weirdly enough I still love him dearly. Reece's mother and father have been in touch and see Kai every week which I love and as Reece was with me he was angry as it seemed towards his parents when they went to visit him so they haven't seen him in a few weeks but he now knows I had a premature birth to a boy named Kai.
Literally every night now for about two or three weeks I have been having some horrible nightmares about Reece some was of him not seeing his son some was me never seeing him again it scared and hurt me. Last nights nightmare was the worst one I have had yet, due to that my mum is the reason all three of us are sitting in my local doctors. As my name rang through the microphone to come in I sighed as I hated going to places like this telling random people my problems. The doctor I seen seemed pleasant and was writing many things down whilst I was talking, she explained to me that due to the situation and the way that I have been acting she things I have depression. I was prescribed with pills of which I had to take daily, I felt embarrassed and even a little angry that I have depression for some reason and it would be something that I would hate Reece to know about.
My mum was in work a lot to get extra money in the house so it was usually just me and Kai although Emily and Mia visit along with new mums that I have met visit regularly. I loved Kai a lot but he made me so stressed out and that is just now, one day Mia was around the house and she got talking to me about dating.
"I know you are still in love with Reece but ... Have you ever thought about dating someone else right now."
"I don't know. Kai needs me right now I am putting all my hard work towards him and soon I am going to try and get a job god knows how but right now I just do not have the time or the patience to date."
"That is understandable ...I was in the cafe down the road the other day you know Kate's cafe, they are looking for more people to work there the pay isn't amazing but it's something right."
"Thanks, but like I said god knows how I could do it I feel rude asking Reece's parents to look after Kai and my mum is always working."
" I am off for five months until I start college ... I can look after him if that's okay with you?"
"You are a life saver! Really thank you so much I need the money."
I loved Mia for this I needed money mainly for Kai and mostly to start paying my mum back even though I bet she would have thought I wasn't going to.
I went down to the cafe down the road like Mia told me to in search of a job whilst she looked after Kai, as I opened the door a quiet yet alarming bell rang making many look at me. I went to the desk and asked if there was any jobs on offer the woman replied.
"Oh I am sorry the job offer was taken before by this lovely young girl."
There stood Rita with a smirk on her face and she looked like she wanted to say a lot to me.
"Look who it is."
"I am so so sorry."
Tears filled Rita's eyes and she gulped
"Do you want to talk around the back I won't be long."
I followed her around the back
"I'm so sorry Charlotte I started it all I am still getting over Alex my family don't talk about him now ... Your pregnant right?"
"Forget about the past you started nothing ... You was upset I understand I am sorry about what he did I don't think we are together now he said he doesn't want to see me I have depression now through all of this and insomnia. I had the baby prematurely he is now healthy and three months old but I am struggling."
Rita's mood began to change.
"Yeah well it's okay for you isn't it, you have a part of Reece in your life you have a baby to him I wanted him from the start now look what I get a dead brother and my ex lover in jail! You go on as if you have the world on your shoulders yet you have Reece's son in your arms people like you make me sick if Reece was here he still wouldn't stay with you with a baby or not. He would be a great dad he wouldn't want to be with an awful mother like you, you said it yourself you are depressed and struggling you shouldn't even be able to have the baby look at yourself!"
My eyes filled with tears I started to think what she was saying was right, I am an awful mother I am not the girl I used to be and that is all of my fault because look where I am now broke and a terrible mother depending on others like my mum and my best friends maybe the hope of one day a guy in a jail cell.
I ran home crying this was a place where I could be alone and properly cry. I missed him so much yet I didn't know why I hated myself so much and a I wish I wasn't so stupid. These days I just feel like I am waking up just to mourn and then lay awake endlessly at night just to do it all over again, I wished Alex was still alive and I wished Reece was out of jail and I wished my baby wasn't born so early because of faults of my own ... Everything was my fault everything happened because of me.
I couldn't cope anymore with fierce tears strolling down my face non stop I ran into the kitchen and grabbed my tablets for the depression. I barely took them so I had literally had a full jar of the tablets, through me taking extra science classes back in school I knew that it could do what I wanted to happen if I took the tablets with alcohol it could end my life I could escape. Taking large amounts of this can slow the nervous system along with the breathing and heart rate, I wanted to go I grabbed the pills bottle emptied all the pills out onto the countertop I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and started to take them one by one until there was no more.
In the space of what felt like five minutes the room was spinning around me and I felt like I was going to throw up I threw myself onto the sofa my heart was racing fast and I didn't feel good ... I closed my eyes and waited for it to be over I am going to be free I am going to be happy again.
YOU ARE READING
The Badboy {Completed} √
Romantik{Completed} Charlotte has never been noticed or even been spoken to by the schools bad boy Reece Collins but all that changes when she is helped by him one day.
