Wishes of Lady Desire

03| Falling

I really wanted to go to the picnic so... the answer was an obvious one, it was... yes. When I took the basket from him I then realized that I made a huge mistake, because it was one heavy basket! At one point I really wondered if it is really food that is in the basket, to me it felt like I was carrying a big rock. Luke on the other hand kept asking me if I was fine, I said I was fine (but I wasn't). Every time I said no it felt like the weight of the basket got heavier and I was sweating a lot too. To me the road seemed really long.

"For how much long should we keep on walking?" I asked him uneasily.

"Just around the bend, we are very near" he answered casually.

I hated the words "very near" the moment it came out of his mouth. I felt like I was about to drop the basket, little by little I was losing the grip too. Suddenly it felt less heavy and I looked doubtfully to see that... His hand was holding my basket too.

"It will be less heavier if we both carry it," he expressed with a smile.

But he was already carrying one and I didn't wanted to lean on him, but I couldn't carry it myself, so in the end I had to take his help (Or so I thought). But we agreed that we both carry it so it won't be heavy for him either.

Arriving at the picnic area it was a delight to me, because I was worried for his hand, but he casually nagged to his cousin how heavy it was and I laughed at his behavior. Thinking what he went through I thought he wouldn't ask me to take back the baskets, but he kept asking me to run errands with him, this time we took one basket at a time and he would jokingly pull the basket towards him bumping me to his side and I would scold him and pull it back, then we would laugh and talk about each other's life (I talked less about mine though). I didn't knew running errands was this nice, but sometimes he looked at me in a way that made me blush, to add to the ambience our shoulders kept on touching, which made it more difficult to look at his face.

He had very big fingers but very soft ones; they sometimes engulfed my fingers into his. He had incredible strength in them; it looked like he only needed a reason to hang out with me, because he was strong enough to carry two baskets on his own. He kept on looking at me, he also noticed (I think) that I was blushing, but he didn't say anything... he just... kept on looking at me... and gave me a smile in the end. I couldn't hold myself together so I let it go and walked swiftly, when I looked behind he was looking at me confused and I just... kept walking forward (I couldn't think straight!). That whole evening I made no eye contact with him, but he kept on looking at me, subconsciously though. I knew that he was still looking at me, but I didn't dare look at him.

So many words exchanged that evening about likes and dislikes, where they want to be in five years that the bride and groom were exhausted by the heavy questionnaire that they explained their displeasure.

"Just because it is our wedding it doesn't mean we have to die answering all your questions!" retorted Jose.

"Exactly! How about we ask you questions instead?" suggested Joan sheepishly.

"It would be nice I don't know much about your friends and you don't know about mine. Why don't we ask one question each? You ask my friends and I will ask your friends," asked Jose. Joan thinking about it a bit agreed to it. Jose asked the first question to Margaret.

"How come you don't have a boyfriend yet?" asked Jose seriously, to which everyone burst out laughing, Joan with a giggle cautioned him.

"I do have a boyfriend actually! But I couldn't bring him he is not that close enough to bring to long trips," Margaret blushing from one end of the ear to another replied cheekily. Jose winking his eye apologized for the joke, but everyone praised him for the splendid question.

Joan asked her first question to Luke "What is your dream?" to which he thought a lot about and answered.

"I want to travel the world, take a lot of pictures and be a famous world-renown photographer." he replied which made everyone on the bride's side froze and glanced at me.

But I knew the reason why, because my dream was the similar answer to his. I wanted to be a world-renowned painter, who traveled the world and I wanted to be known around the world. Luke also looked at us puzzled too.

"W-what happened?" asked Jose in shock of the sudden silence.

Joan was looking at me the whole time just changed the subject because she knew that it was a sensitive topic for me and encouraged Jose to do so. Luke though knew something was wrong. And I knew also that he would ask around why it was such a big deal, Maya or Andy will spill my whole story and the whole misfortunate events and gossip that have been surrounding our family. Then he will be seeing me in a different light like the rest of them.

To be told the truth I still do hold that dream dear to my heart, but I'm unable to live it and now it's like a nightmare. Be it money problem or the fact that our family is in debt; right now my family needs me more than I need my dream. I applied to various jobs before I came for the wedding and I got in an art gallery as assistant director. But I was fine about having a job until I came here; until I heard from another's mouth about a dream similar to mine I didn't realize it would hurt this badly. This feeling of longing began to ache in my heart.

That whole evening I was completely silent, I didn't know if it was anger or sadness, but I was about to cry bitterly and Joan was holding me at bay by constantly distracting my thoughts, I knew if I stayed any longer I would be spoiling a pleasant evening. I bid my farewell and left early.

In the way I had to cross a stream, maybe I was not careful enough or maybe it was too dark that I suddenly slid on a rock and fell on the slimy rock on my back, at first it hurt so much, but to me what I was holding in my heart was hurting much more than that fall, I didn't do anything I just stayed on the ground wept bitterly, after crying for sometime I felt a little better and maybe my heart felt a little less heavier that I began to notice the beautifully shining stars, which were like silver glitter on a black satin sheet, I have never seen so many stars in my whole life.

With an injured knee I somehow managed to arrive at the Inn, I took a warm bath and put some ointment on the cut. As I was ready to go sleep, Maya and Andy arrived complaining about their sore feet and how scary it was walking in the forest at night. But I just said goodnight and slept without saying another word. I was tired too, but to be told the truth walking with him was not at all tiresome, I felt good having someone walk beside me, but walking back alone did tire me more and I felt rather perplexed by realizing this matter now.