Hey it's been a while. How are ya? wow such a cringe fest over here. Anyways today is Misha Collins' birthday today and if you don't know who that is then you need to educate yourself. He's such an amazing person and I love him gosh I'm such a fangirl I need help. Speaking of needing help I finally told my mom a little bit about how much anxiety I've been having and she recommended I go see someone and I forced myself to say yes. Luckily this lady that I have to go see already knows my family and some crap that went on in our lives a couple of years ago since my mom and one of my sisters went to go see her. I also fortunately don't have to tell her that much. Only trying to figure out what triggers my anxiety and derealization and hopefully she will help me get it under control and I won't be consumed by anxiety anymore, or at least not as much as I am now.
Ugh my mom is yelling at me as I write this because I don't want to eat. I hate eating and no it's not about me being insecure (for once) I've just always hated eating. I think it's a waste of time and annoying. I know I'm literally the least relatable person in the world. But on another note about parents yelling, holy crap my parents (especially my mom) are just scary to be around. No scratch that it's just my mom, my dad is fine. I get scared to be around her most of the time because she just becomes so angry with everyone and everything. This morning she got mad at the AC people because the house was so hot and they didn't call her back. Then she almost broke the damn system like I think she almost ripped a piece off the wall. That's most of the reason I sit in my room all day.
(and now she literally just came into my room and got mad at me for not eating. fun)
okay I'm sorry this is boring but I need a place to write out my thoughts (especially after reading twist and shout. I'm almost done with it and it's ripping me apart) since life has been a little bit shitty lately outside of my friends and online life. Wow I started writing this all happy then my mom had to ruin it. of course. it seems like thats always the case.
Anyway I also start school in a little over 2 weeks. and I think that is where most of my anxiety has come from. I am terrified because I've never been to a new school before and I'm not good at being social. Having an RBF doesn't help either because it makes you look like you want to kill everyone and everything meanwhile you are smol and fragile. I'm not worried about the amount of homework and classes since my old school had a lot of high school work but more worried about the social aspect. There's a lot of kids I really don't like going there from my old school. And I do know I won't have to see them if I don't want to but one of them is my stalker. I don't know if I've told you guys before but this kid has had a crush on me since 3rd grade and has been stalking me ever since. I didn't notice fully until 7th grade which was two years ago and it was pretty scary. If you want me to tell the whole story then comment or tell me. I don't know I've just been getting eaten alive by the anxiety and I don't know what to do about it.
To end this long ass crap fest of an entry lets finish it off with some pictures of Misha Collins to celebrate his 42nd birthday!! this will totally make this less crappy
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