Scissors

V

　

After that, I kind of needed space to myself. I was a bit over whelmed with Jason. So i hung out with other people in a inconsequential manner. It was just plain mundane, doc. But what could i do?

We are social beings doc, i couldn't isolate myself from company no matter how much i detested them. I had to work to avoid Jason and that was mostly because he constantly sought me out. I saw he was miserable, yet i didn't mind putting him through more stress. I had been very vague about my being there when his dad came. he wanted me to have dinner with his family on saturday.

In case you haven't noticed, i am very shy person, and shy people have a lot to say, that's why i am telling you this.

Do shy people tell the truth?

Doc, your question i am afraid has no answer. Every body is a liar, you either lie to yourself so much, it becomes the truth or, you lie to everyone around you just so you don't feel too bad about doing something or being something. so if i say shy people are and open book, i'd be lying, which wouldn't be that bad would it Doc?

I avoided Jason all throughout thursday and then most of friday. Doc, i said i hung out with people inconsequentially, right? well, i lied.

There was this on person i hung out with for most of the end of wednesday and throughout thursday. Her name was Jackie and she was pretty funny too. i didn't really like hanging with Jackie, she had a big mouth and an undermining personality. she could outshine the sun if you let her. she had few friends and she said she loved it that way. i had talked to her once or twice before then. She was one of those people who continually sat at the same table at lunch, the one where everybody liked sitting- as rivals with Jason's table.

I will give you a preview of how thursday went, so you can see how hard it was, doc.

I got to school just as the bell went off for first period. it was a quick dash to my locker to get my books. just as i banged my locker shut, there was Jason. He was a bit far off, but was heading my way quick. It took everything in me to make my legs move, not to wave at him in the usual familiar manner. It took more than a lot to walk quickly away from him, but when he called my name, i could not resist. i stopped.

"yeah, man?" i answered dodgily.

Jason caught up to me in three long strides from my locker.

"Hey, so about yesterday...." he said shrugging "I don't know why the thing was beating me down that much, but i'm glad i told you. felt good to let some of that weight roll off my shoulder. you know?"

i didn't know.

"you don't have to come if you don't want to, no biggie" he smiled.

Now that was the problem. He had given me palpitations for nothing. i Had given myself a headache for nothing. i had laid awake last night, thinking about what i could say to Jason to make him feel better for nothing.

"Really?" i asked.

"yeah, i mean" he looked down at his feet "stuff isn't that bad at home"

"oh" i nodded. that makes one of us. He was playing his problem off as nothing. "I got to go."

i couldn't help feeling stupid for thinking there could ever be and honest emotion in Jason. Every thing he wore was a facade. he just hid his face behind lies. like an onion i had peeled away the rough exterior to find the other Jason, but i had also found a smooth lie. I don't have a problem with les, Doc, i just have a problem seeing things as they are. you could lie to me all day long about everything in my life and i would believe everything you said unquestioningly. The one thing i have a problem with was being disillusioned. it's gut wrenching to find out that every thing you know is a lie. that was how i felt with Jason at that point. he had made me feel worth more than i was yesterday now he was blowing it off as a moment of weakness, as nothing.