Scissors

VIII

I know he was quoting that Avicii song. Talk to myself, i think it was, but the way he said it.........he made them his own words and I got scared out of my own body.

"shut up!"

"it's the truth" he said weakly like he had just given me a bit of himself. "i wish i had been better to you"

I was getting worked up, he could not tell it, but i was panicking. He could not see that i had changed a lot since we were friends. Did he think he could just start spewing all this shit?

"shut up!" i growled "I am a guy for fuck sake!"

His eyes flickered up at me, the hurt branding themselves in my consciousness.

His mouth hung open to say something, but he did not. The silence was speaking volumes. i did not like what it was saying.

"Do you know about the rumours, Jason?" I asked him then.

He unconsciously ran a hand, then the other through his hair leaving it a wooly mess.

"yes" He said so quietly, i almost did not hear it.

I shook my head, anger subduing the panic and shaking me to my bones.

"Then....then why?" i found myself at loss of what to say.

"why what?" He cocked his head "what did you want me to?"

"you could have come to talk to me about it.......we could have worked past it" i said, hating how whiny and weak my voice sounded in comparison to his. I was a boy like him for Christ sake! why wasn't i blessed with the same height? handsome charm? why was i just plain old Carter, doc?

It beat the hell out of me and i hated him for being better than me in everything.....well almost everything.

My grades were sure as hell better than his. I had improved my self vastly since we stopped hanging out.

why were you so fixated on being better than Jason?

I don't know, doc. You're the shrink. you tell me.

"i hope you haven't forgotten what you did to me" Jason snapped suddenly, his timid act thrown to the wind.

"oh, that?" i growled "do you know what was happening to me at home?"

He was shocked that I bit back at him. I usually was quiet and let him eclipse me, now i had grown a pair and they were just as big as his.

"Grow up Jason!" i snapped, spit flying out of my mouth with the veracity of my words "you think the bloody world revolves about you? i have problem of my own you ass hat! you think your stupid daddy problems will make the earth stop at its axis? while you were having your melodramatic mood swings, some people had to face the world........alone!"

"you could have told me this Carter!" Jason yelled "you could have told me before twisting my love for you into this dirty hatred!"

I froze for less than a second. What was wrong with him? I knew that one moment with Jason and he would never be able to hold himself.........he just had to be so.....broken.

I moved towards him. I don't know when my fists made contact with his face. I can't even begin to think of the anger i was feeling then. Whatever it was......it was dangerous and i swear i would have killed Jason there and then. I was afraid, doc. I was afraid of everything Jason was and i never could be.....afraid of his freedom and his lies. Of his potential and his two faced life.

He stood there frozen in shock. His head had snapped back in a very odd angle and then swung forward again as his eyes watered with the pain. I knew that would swell badly. If it would bruise, it would hardly show on Jason's chocolate skin.