open letters to no one

for you

we rip ourselves apart (into pieces of doubt and worry confetti) over what?

an essay that our teacher grades at two am, with more of their concentration spilling into their coffee than the words we slaved over for weeks.

a friend that doesn't listen to anything you say (she never did. she never does).

parents that only want you to smile and say yes. tell them your day was good. they care, but they're tired too. the things you wrestle with are not something they want to handle; growing up is realizing that. they ask but they don't listen to the answer. is it any surprise I stopped responding with any kind of honesty?

a boy that tries to mask the ragged hole in his chest with jokes, sneers, anything but emotion. you deserve better. you know you deserve better. are you the blind one, or is everyone else around you just pretending it's something they want?

your heart, your hurting heart, so unsure and lost. it feels like it's bleeding through your chest and feelings are piling up, dripping down the floor.

listen to me, babe.

it's going
to be
alright.

school will always be a battle but it's not everything. your head is screaming it is it is it is but you won't learn how to be happy in a textbook. you have to look elsewhere. you have to take the time to look elsewhere.

I have learned one thing about friends. find people who mean it when they say "I love you". I'm begging you, please please please search for people who help you clean up the kitchen when everyone else is already on the couch, who would never ever tear you down (it's not a joke. it's not a joke. please stop letting her bully you like it's funny, and please stop laughing along like it is), who hug you often. things hurt enough without friends who don't care. you deserve to be adored.

my dad can make me laugh like no one else and my mom has a way of seeing answers where I saw frustration. no one else has made me feel so belittled and hurt, and maybe nothing will ever make me feel like that's okay, but they are doing their best too. we're all surprisingly human (and you'll be on your own in no time anyway).

no one knows what they're doing. a boy will hold sunshine in his smile, maybe a girl's laugh will make you melt, and the world will keep on turning. just focus on becoming the person you've always wanted to be and everything will fall into place (and never forget the value of platonic love. we're drowning in it, but no one seems to realize).

and I can't tell you that you won't stop hurting, but I will say that your heart smiles too. one day your heart will laugh and your sky might not erupt into stunning color but you'll come home to a bed you feel safe in, and that's all you ever asked for anyway.

not everything is the end of the world. slow down and breathe.

say it with me: everything will be OKAY.