four short years ➳ zarry

chapter seven ➴ zayn

so charlie tell me; do you want me too?

To Louis: do i need to bring anything tomorrow ?

From Louis: What do ya mean lad

To Louis: to the reunion you idiot !

From Louis: Oh ! No everything is ready, I'm buzzing !

To Louis: you're always buzzing....but anyways text me if you need anything :)

"Was that Louis?" Liam asked once I put my phone down. I looked at my engagement ring and how it shined as soon as light hit it.

"Yeah," I nodded and gazed up at Liam. "Yeah I was asking him if I needed to bring anything to the reunion,"

"You're actually going to go?" Liam asked me, with an unsteady laugh. Almost unsure, which made me curious.

"Yes, we talked about this, remember?" I said thinking back to our little day in bed.

"But do you really want to see these people?" Liam questioned me and he began fiddling with the bottom of his shirt.

"What do you mean 'these people'?" I frowned a little. "They were apart of my life for four years. How could they just become 'these people' just because I don't see them twenty four seven like I used to?"

"I'm just saying.." Liam paused and looked at me. "Is Harry going?"

And with that, the way that Liam said his name, the way that Liam meant it, made my heart sink to my stomach. I hadn't mentioned Harry to Liam since he and I got together, which was quite some time ago.

"Is Harry going?" I repeated, unsure. "I don't know.. Why are you acting like this?"

"He was a big part of your life Z," Liam said. "What's going to happen when you see him again?"

I sat there on the couch. I was confused that as soon as Liam mentioned Harry, my mind started mentally yelling his name over and over again.

"Four years isn't that much," I said immediately regretting it.

To speak to Liam about this, I had to make it seem like Harry meant nothing to me. I had to store all my unresolved feelings to myself and they'd just keep piling up. And endless pile of unanswered questions and undiscovered sentiment.

"Four years isn't a lot?!" Liam tried to laugh it off. "Zayn, Harry was your first love! Who knows what could happen when you see him?!" He was now yelling, but my mind wasn't there. "What if everything just comes back? What if you're flooded by those old feelings? Zayn? What's going to happen then? Am I going to have to let you go.." Liam trailed off as he started crying. "I just- I just don't want to lose you Zayn."

I was thinking that Liam was being overdramatic. Even if Harry was going to come, would I even talk to him? Would I even see him? Would I even feel that way anymore?

"Liam," I said. "You're not going to lose me," But when the words fell off of my lips, I didn't believe it.

"I need some space Z," Liam said, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead and after doing so I watched him put his shoes on and trail out of our apartment.

I touched my forehead where he kissed me. It didn't feel the same.

Looking down at my engagement ring, I thought of Liam. And our history. The ups and the downs.

But my mind raced back to Harry. The polaroids and the unvarnished devotion we shared with each other for just four short years. Even for it being high school, I still think back to when Harry and I shared something special. And I still think back to how beautiful and authentic it really was.

I wish I knew in high school how the love Harry and I held was that extraordinary. Back then, I was just living in the moment and enjoying being young and in love with the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes on.

We're always told that people and feelings always change overtime, no matter what. Sometimes I don't believe that. Maybe people, but deep inside somewhere down there you'll always store those past feelings. And when you remember them from time to time, you realize that those feelings never changed.

And that was my situation. Years later, I am finally realizing that my feelings never changed.

Harry's must've. He always had such a bright future and never let anything hold him back. He's probably busy accomplishing many magnificent things. And keeping his past in his past.

Harry was always good at that.

Tonight, Liam was out until I was asleep.

author's note:

guys some good shit is finna go down soon :)

by the way, HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE STORY AS MUCH AS I AM :)) 

- ALEXIS !!