Secrets

Chapter 5- The real me

I woke up and felt my stomach churn. I knew where this was headed. after vomiting in the toilet for what seemed like hours I was finally able to stop retching. but still, I couldn't hear anything. my world was spinning and I felt so sick. I don't really remember much of anything from my childhood besides that day. of course my brain would screw me over like that. I stood up and was a little shaky. God I looked horrible. My face was clammy and I looked so damn pale. I looked dead....like my mother. that started a whole other wave of nausea.

By the time I finally felt better my brother was already slamming on my door telling us to leave for school.

"MEGAN!" he screamed over and over. I groaned and went to open my door. "Jesus you look like crap  Megs! what are you hungover or something? get over it and let's go!" Alex was basically pulling me out of the house. Sometimes my Little brother is so irritating.  

"Alex,stop. I'm sick an I'm not hungover, you know how much I hate alcohol." seeing my dad come home drunk every night, then beat on me and my mom kind of ruined the stuff for me.

"I'm sorry Megs, are you okay?" Alex had actual concern in his voice. we may act like we hate each other, but theirs no one I love more than my little brother. "yeah, I'll be fine, can you get a ride from someone? I'm not going in today."  Alex still looked concerned, but he quickly said 

"Yeah, hey if you need me I can get a ride from Mr.Kipper at lunch. you know how much he likes us."

I just smiled and shooed Alex out the door. he doesn't know why Mr.Kipper likes us. He Doesn't even know that Mr.Kipper isn't a real teacher, and I intend to keep it that way. After Alex left I could finally go back to bed, no way was I letting another nightmare hit me so I drank basically half a bottle of cough syrup and passed out into a dreamless sleep.

"shut up!" I screamed at the door. ugh someone better be dying down their. I tried to ignore the knocking at my door, but it didn't stop. I looked over at my clock, 10:30am. who would even knock this early in the morning! I rolled out of bed and walked downstairs to the front door. I looked through the glass and saw a girl about my age. she had short curly brown hair and she looked seriously pissed off. "what could you possibly need this early in the morning!" I snapped as I opened the door.

"God, you could have come down here earlier! And it's like 10 o'clock!" the girl said with a snarky tone. maybe she wasn't so bad after all. 

"So what is it then?" I asked.

"My dumb little sister fell and scraped her knee and precious little Laurel needs a band-aid, do you have one?" I smiled at her, I don't mind this chick. I nodded 

"Yeah, come on in." I opened the door wider and led her into the kitchen. 

"Thanks. my names Carmen by the way. Carmen Finch. we just moved in next door." The girl- Carmen said. She seemed pretty cool so far, and she has an annoying sibling. So we should get along pretty well.  "Megan Taylor, I've lived here since I was- er I mean I've lived here forever." I said quickly, trying to pull off the lie. 

That was close. "Ha! found one, here you go, one band aid for precious Laurel." I handed it to her and she smiled.  "hey Megan, you wanna come over and help me unpack. I mean it's not fun, buts it's better than doing nothing." I sighed, great someone I actually like. I can't bring myself to lie to her. "actually I can't I-"

"Shut up and help me,okay? If your gonna play Hooke you might as well do something useful." Carmen said. "so get dressed and meet me next door in half and hour,Kay?" I couldn't even respond, she had already left.

After I had showered and put on shorts and a tee shirt(it was unseasonably warm for Maine today) I slowly walked over to My new neighbors, the Finches. I have no idea why I'm actually going over to help. I guess she suckered me into it. I loved their house. when I first came to this town, that's the house I wanted. but the government is very specific, Megan Taylor had to live in the small ugly house next to his one apparently. The house was a big log cabin. It has been empty forever, just sitting their. Beckoning to me.  "Hello, Carmen?" I yelled over the sound of moving trucks.

"Hey Car theirs a girl here yelling for you!" i looked over and saw a girl who looked to be a few years younger than Alex. She had short blonde hair and was wearing a pink shirt that said "bacon lover" in pink sparkly letters. I took a guess at random and figured she was this precious little Laurel. 

"Are you Laurel?" I asked.  "What's it to ya?!" she yelled at me and then She giggled and ran off. I was going to have to watch out for her, she seemed a little...unstable.

"Hey you came! Thanks, Meg!" Carmen said, her arms full of boxes. I shuddered. I hate the nickname Meg. Megs is fine, Someone calls me Meg and I want to slaughter them.

No problem, and if you want to live then don't call me Meg.ever." Carmen laughed and shoved a box into my arms. "Here, make yourself use full." She said. 

About 4 hours later and all of the boxes were in their appropriate rooms. for the first time in a long time I felt actually happy. that was going to make this so much harder.

"Carmen, we need to talk." I said suddenly. we were sitting on her bedroom floor listening to the new Imagine Dragons album.

"What are you breaking up with me?!" We were just staring to get to know each other!" she laughed. I giggled and stayed quiet for a while. looking at our handiwork. in 4 hours we put up about 3 million posters of horses and cowboys. all over Carmen's walls. It was refreshing. I was so used to my plain white walls, I try not to get Attached to anything. "Seriously though. Carmen we can't be friends anymore." I pushed the words out of my mouth. Carmen looked over at me.

"Megan,what are you taking about. you're the only person I don't hate talking to- besides horses,but I take it they don't count."

"Carmen, that's the problem.I-I can't tell you why but I'm not someone you wanna hang out with." All you need to know is that I'm not....I'm not who I say i am." I blinked my eyes to keep from crying. god over the years I have missed human contact so much, I've missed having friends.

"Megan I have no idea what your talking about,are you okay?" Carmen looked worried. "This is the hardest part-I hate lying to people i like."

"Megan what are you-?"

"Carmen shut up for a minute okay! I'm not going to lie to you. but I can't tell you the truth. I....I lie about everything Carmen! I'm not a good person okay! before I was Megan I was.... Things.... God damn it! i can't tell you!" I was so angry. at my father, at myself. at everyone for making me do this.

"Carmen, it's just easier for us to not be friends. I don't have to keep lying to you that way." I closed my eyes and waited for her to tell me to get out. This was the hard part, people realize I'm a dirty liar and then...they hate me.

"Megan...I don't care." Carmen said

"Wait- what?" I said. that's not at all what I was expecting to hear.

"It doesn't matter who you were or who your pretending to be. Just forget about all that confusing crap okay? don't worry about lying to me about someone you were a lifetime ago. you are Megan Taylor now. who cares about who you were, or what you will become. Megs, now is everything. I know who you are, your definitely not a bad person or a liar. Maybe you were, but now is what matters. forget about everything you saw or everything you were because I know who you are.

"Who- who am I Carmen. because I have no idea anymore." I was so lost all of the sudden.

" You're whoever you want to be. the other you's don't matter. be whoever you want to be, now because that's all that matters."

"Jesus, car, getting a little deep are we?" I laughed. I knew she was right though. however Corny it sounded I know who I am, I've been Megan Taylor for 12 years. it's who I am, and now, thanks to Carmen, I get to be me. the real me. Megan Anne Taylor.