To Have A Home

Chapter 4

They were a few days into term, and already Sirius felt like a completely different person than he had been in the summer. He felt confident instead of terrified, and his main concern at the moment was figuring out a huge back to school prank to blow everyone away. James, however, had not forgotten about the incident on the train, and was trying to find the right moment to interrogate Sirius about it.
"Hey, Padfoot, wait a sec," James called over to his best friend one evening as everyone else headed to the Great Hall for dinner.
"Yes, Prongsy?" replied Sirius lightheartedly with a smirk on his face — a smirk that was wiped away instantly when he heard what James had to say.
"So are you ever planning on telling me why you never write me during the summer, always dodge questions about your family and your holiday, and why you seemed to be in a great deal of pain when I very lightly punched your arm on the train?" James, who was usually a joker and rarely ever took anything seriously, was now looking at his best friend with extreme intensity and slight impatience. Sirius looked horrified and was silent for a few seconds, but quickly gained his composure and responded,
"I guess you don't know your own strength, James. Anyway, you know my parents... 'Purebloods are the best, Sirius; better posture, Sirius; be a perfect little boy, Sirius; blah, blah blah...' nothing much to talk about."
"Padfoot you're an awful liar, I can tell when you're hiding something from me."
"I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about," Sirius replied coolly, and he brushed past James towards the Great Hall.
'Fine,' thought James, 'Don't tell me now. But I will find out.'
The very next day after Transfiguration, James hung back as the rest headed off to lunch. Sirius was acting as though nothing had happened between them yesterday, but James could tell he was angry that the subject of his family had come up.
"Professor?" asked James. McGonagall looked up from the papers on her desk.
"Yes Potter?"
"Er... I was just wondering — er — could we talk in your office? Like, now?" McGonagall gave him a questioning look; this was the most nervous James had ever acted while talking to her, which automatically made her suspicious.
"Alright Potter, but I can't be too long, I've got another class in half an hour and I believe this is your lunch break, I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss all of it."
"Thanks, Professor." James replied, and he followed her up to her office. Once they entered, James felt instant regret. Sirius would kill him if he found out what James was doing. If Sirius wouldn't even tell him what was going on, there's no way he'd want McGonagall to have any idea. On the other hand, James was worried about Sirius, and if they had a little fight over this, that was something James was willing to sacrifice to make sure his best friend was okay.
"It's Sirius," James burst out, "I'm worried about him. I think there's something he's not telling me. It seems like he's been hurt but I don't now how. Or when. But on the train I punched him on the arm — you know, as a joke, it wasn't a hard punch at all — and the look on his face made it seem like I'd punched him as hard as I could. And I tried to bring it up but he got mad and defensive and said he had no clue what I was talking about. But I know that's a lie. I'm just... I'm worried, Professor. Do you know anything I don't about Sirius? About why he's acting like this?" There was a few seconds silence following James long rant, and he thought he saw his own worry flicker over McGonagall's face.
"I'm afraid I don't know, Mr. Potter. But do keep an eye on him, I worry too... I have my suspicions about what may have caused that but I hope they are not correct, and I don't wish to spread a false rumor to you. I'm sure if it's anything too serious, Sirius will tell you eventually." Not entirely reassured, James walked towards the door of her office to join the rest of his friends at lunch.
"What were you talking to McGonagall about Prongs?" asked Remus curiously as James took a seat in the Great Hall and began to eat rapidly.
"Oh, nothing important, Moony, just a Transfiguration question."
"Are you meaning to tell me that James Potter — the James Potter — needs help with Transfiguration?" Remus teased.
"Oh shut up, Moony," said James, but he noticed Sirius giving him a questioning look. James shook his head at Sirius to dismiss his suspicions; he did not want to get in another argument.
The week came to a close without James and Sirius having any more one-on-one conversations that lasted more than a couple seconds, leaving James no closer to figuring out Sirius' secret.
Monday came and with that, the first full moon of the school year. Late that night, after Remus had been walked down to the Whomping Willow by Madam Pomfrey, the rest of the Marauders headed down to join him under cover of James' invisibility cloak. They tapped the knot on the Whomping Willow and crawled through the passageway to the Shrieking Shack. It was one of Remus' more brutal transformations, but having his friends there in animagus form certainly helped. They each got a couple of scratches from Remus, which did not usually happen, but overall the night was a success.
The next morning they all overslept, so they had to scramble to get ready in time for their first lesson of the day (there wasn't enough time for breakfast). Sirius, as usual, was taking the longest time to get ready, so they all headed to class without him.
Sirius had been getting dressed in the bathroom or behind the curtains of his four-poster bed all year so that none of them saw his scars and bruises, but since they were all heading to class, he didn't worry about it. However, just as Sirius took off his pajama shirt, Remus walked back into the dormitory for a forgotten book.
"Hey Pads, can you hand me my—" Remus froze as he looked at his friend in horror. Meanwhile, Sirius, mortified, was hastily trying to find something to hide behind.
"Sirius, how... what..." Remus paused and a look of realization spread across his face. Quietly, he said, "Did... did I do that to you? Last night? I thought you guys said I only gave you a couple scratches, but this...?" Sirius felt relief spread through his whole body — this was the perfect excuse. He wouldn't have to tell Remus after all...
But seeing the look on Remus' face, Sirius knew he couldn't lie. Remus looked horrified and disgusted with himself, and Sirius knew that he would never forgive himself if he'd hurt one of his friends during a transformation.
"No, it... it wasn't you. I've had these for a while, I didn't get them last night." Now it was Remus' turn to feel immensely relieved. But that relief was soon replaced with a new feeling of worry.
"Well if I didn't do it then where did you get them?" Remus asked uncertainly. Sirius sighed. He couldn't see any way out of the truth now.
"Okay, the truth is... and you can't tell anyone about this Remus, I mean it... my, er, parents did it. Mostly my dad, my mum prefers screaming at me, but she's not opposed to a good hex or curse every now and again... anyway... yeah... that's where they're from." Sirius looked down at his feet, blinking tears out of his eyes. He felt ashamed of himself. What would Remus think about him?
"Oh my god, Sirius, I had no idea... listen, you've got to tell someone."
"Not going to happen," said Sirius firmly.
"But you have to... you could just go to McGonagall, she could help..."
"NO!" Sirius shouted, and Remus jumped back a bit. "My parents already hate me, what do you think they'll do if they knew I told someone?"
"But we could get you out of there..."
"Remus, that won't happen. And if it did... how do you know that would stop them? Just... keep this a secret, alright? And if James asks you anything, you can't say a word. Got it?" Remus looked unsure; he still wanted to go to McGonagall, but he didn't want to put Sirius in any more danger.
"Fine," he said finally. "But just... you can talk to me about it whenever you want. Or if you need anything... I mean, I already know, there's no harm in talking to me about it..."
"Thanks, Moony," said Sirius with tears running down his face. And the two sat there in the dormitory, Remus telling stories and making jokes to cheer Sirius up, Sirius resting his head on Remus' shoulder and smiling to himself at how great his friend was, all thoughts of getting to class completely driven from their minds.