suicide ..for give me for i have sinned

She loves me .......not

    Can someone tell me what is love? 

I didn't know stepping out of that court room would change my life so dramatically.......my mother didn't show up not once. She wasn't there to defend her self. I wish I was old enough to. They past around pictures of her leaving the house at all hours of the night with all kinds of men. And said a lot of mean thing about her. I didn't care I still loved her with all of my heart even though my big sister had me most of the time my love for my mother wouldn't change no matter what type of  unfit monster the put her out to be.

There was a man and lady in the court saying they wanted me. The lady I never seen a day in my life but the man I've seen before a few times in my past. The judge told the man he could not have me but his wife was granted full custody of me. At this moment my heart sunk. I couldn't go home and I had to stay with some more strangers for I don't know how long the tears flowed for my eyes. I felt a hand grab my hand I looked up and seen the man wife Janet smiling. Her face caked with makeup but it made her look pretty. I could smell the strong perfume she had on. Her hair was neatly combed and fit her face perfect. Its going to be ok luci. You are going to stay with your dad and i.

Those words just brought more tears flowing down my face next thing I know we was walking out the court building to a car. Danielle handed Josh my suppose to be dad my clothes and a bag of toys I played with at her house. I sat in the back seat and cried myself to sleep.
By the time I woke up my shirt was soak and wet from my tears. I could feel someone picking me up laying my head on their shoulders and walking with me. Your home luci he said. I don't know if it was his words or from me crying so much but I just layer my head back down without saying sword and fell back asleep.

Wake up luci I heard Janet say you want to go to a party today? Still half sleep I stretched out in this big nice comfy bed rubbed my eyes and looked around. Remembering what happened the day before I started to cry. Janet looked at me confused and asked me; why are you crying?
Because I want my mom and my sister I replied. With a smirk on her face she picks me up and sat me on her lap. Luci honey me and your dad went to court for you we wanted you we fought for you that's what you do when you love someone you fight for them to be with you. If your mom loved you like we do she would have came to court and asked the judge to keep you. She don't love you like we love you she is busy doing drugs and laying up with different guys. That's why the judge let us have you she never tried. To be honest the judge didn't even give you to josh your own dad because he been to jail a lot he gave you to me I'm your mom now and I love you.

Was it true how could she not fight for me. Why don't she love me? Why would she not show up? This lady loves me more then her? She don't even know me and she tried why didn't my mom!