suicide ..for give me for i have sinned

Life changes

     Everything was going great with my dad and his wife after I moved into there house I met her daughter who was in her teens her name was Lisa she reminded me so much of my sister Kelly I stayed up under her and spent every night I could in her room in the basement. The house was pretty big its like they had two of everything everything that was up stairs was down stairs. Kitchen up and down living room up and down and bed rooms the bathroom was up stairs. I didn't have a room to my self  I would sleep on the couch or in Lisa room. One day me and my step mom were in the down stairs living room. Come here luci I wanna show you something she said reaching out to me.

   I made my way over to her sitting in a brown lazy boy recliner. She lift up her shirt and place my hand on her belly which was now unusually big. Your going to be a big sister very soon she said proudly. Me and your dad are having a boy and you get to help me take care of him big girl. I smiled big as day light. To think I'm going to be a big sister and get to take care of him like my sister did me. After we sat there for a min talking about the baby we got up and started making dinner for when dad and janet comes home. There was a family room in the basement past the living room leading to the back door into the yard that's where we  would eat our family meals. There wasn't a table in this room so they sat on the couches and I sat by the open back door on the floor with newspapers under me so I wouldn't make a mess. As I scooped the greens in my mouth I didn't notice it had that piece of fat that I never eat even the thought of it makes me want to gag. Anyway as I start to chew it I automatically with out thinking tried to spit it out the door.
The chewed up greens with the fat and spit landed on the floor right in front of the door.

  You nasty bitch!!!! Janet screamed and before I knew it I flew further then my spit. Who knew a 9 month pregnant woman could move that fast. My hair bows every thing was flying all over the place. I was trying to spit out the door!! I pleaded. But every time I spoke the hits got worse.
Leave her alone I heard; my dad say. You know she didn't mean to do that.
     Don't tell me what she didn't mean to do!! Janet yelled. This nasty bitch is just like her trifling ass mom!!!!! Shut the fuck up before I give yo ass something to cry about !! she yelled at me as I sat there crying. With the switch of her wrist she slapped me again and grab a hand full of my hair and threw me in the corner. Now stay there until I tell yo nasty ass to go to bed!

For the rest of the night I looked at the wall and listened to them laughing and talking while they watched tv until she told me to go lay on my cot.
For the next few days I watched everything I did because I did not want to get in trouble. Janet left early one morning and came back with a beautiful baby boy named William. Everybody loved him. I even got to hold him and talk to him. This particular day Janet went to church and left William with me and Lisa. Our day was going great. Hold him real quick lisa told me as she handed him over with his bottle. I sat rocking William while he ate and I started playing with his ears a habit I been doing since I was his age.

There was a knock on the back door
Lisa ran to open it. I'm used to people knocking at the back when ever Janet is gone. Lisa has her friends come through the back way. Torri stepped in. Torri was a boy that lisa would hang out with every now and then he was pretty cool I would go out to the movies and eat with them when ever they went out. Hey luci, Torri waved hi I replied while still rocking William he was sleep now. Torri and lisa went straight to her room. A few seconds later lisa stepped out if mom comes back let me know you stay in here and watch tv she said while taking William and placing him into his baby bed by my cott. So I hopped on the couch and started watching cartoons trying to tune out the strange sounds coming from Lisa's room. A few mins later I could hear the up stairs door open Janet was back. I guess lisa and Torri heard it to because I didn't have to tell them anything they bout came flying out Lisa's room and on the couch Torri sat next to me and lisa sat on the other side. Hey lil sis what you watching?  Torri asked. Cartoons I replied. Let's watch something else Torri picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels until he found a scary movie on. Of course I'm only 5 years old so scary movies was not my thing I laid my head on Torri a few mins later I was sleep on his lap.

I was awoken to Torri and lisa laughing. I started to raise my head up and Torri pushed my head back down into his lap. We could hear Janet walking down the stairs I tried to lift my head up again and he pushed it back down. Get the fuck off that boy you Hoer! I could hear Janet screech. But I tried he wouldn't let me.. I explained. Before I knew it Janet grabbed me by the hair pulling me out the family room. You wanna be grown bitch fast ass laying on that boy!! Why the fuck you in there with them anyway? Why  your trifling ass ain't in the bed? I opened my mouth to respond and let her know what happened but before I could start my sentence I felt a hot sting run across my face and flew into the steps. As soon as I looked up there came another one and my nose started bleeding. Bitch get up before you get blood all over my floor!!!! Janet yelled as I raised to my feet I was quickly knocked back down. You stupid bitch just like yo momma a nasty Hoer laying all over that boy!!!! Take yo ass to bed! Janet screamed I stood up and walked past Janet bracing my self for the final blow. Shouldn't have went and got yo nasty ass she yelled as she grabbed my arm and drug her nails into my skin while throwing me onto my cot. She turned off the light and walked up stairs I could hear her yelling at my dad about me. As I layer there and cried I heard Lisa let Torri out the back door turn off the TV as she walked past to go in her room I lift my head ................

..............Lisa why did he do that? I asked quietly so janet wouldn't hear I was still awoke. Lisa? She didn't say anything she didn't even look at me she just walked in her room and shut her door