Captured // A Winter Soldier Story

chapter twenty one // lost

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"Help, I lost myself again. But I remember you."
-Six Feet Under by Billie Ellish

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reyna's point of view

Blood. There was so much blood. I couldn't tell where any of it was coming from.

My ears rang with the sound of guns firing, even though the firing had long since ceased. When my eyes opened again, the first thing I saw was Natasha on the ground, Steve hovering over her in shock. Blood trailed from a bullet wound in her back and flowed all the way to me. I nearly vomited when I realized that the blood on my hand was hers.

My heart stopped for the third time tonight. It didn't start up again until I saw her back expand and contract. She was still breathing. She was still alive.

Thank god.

But before I could go help Steve stop the bleeding, a metal hand suddenly grabbed my shirt, hauling me to my feet. I didn't even try to resist. I couldn't bring myself to.

He yanked me up until I found myself staring at the mangled remnants of the man I loved. Bucky's bright blue eyes were gone, replaced by the Winter Soldier's dark, fractured gaze. Winter's hands clenched tightly around my neck. Bucky's gentle touch was gone.

Everything I loved about Bucky- his patience, his gentleness, his protectiveness- had all been carved out, and only an empty shell of a man remained. How do you even do that? How do you leave the weapon but carve out the man underneath?

I didn't want to know. I really, truly didn't. I just wanted to have my Bucky back, at least long enough to say goodbye.

But as Winter stared down at me, with a cold sense of detachment and no trace of recognition in his eyes, I was terrified that there might not be a way out of this one. He didn't know me anymore, and I didn't know how to save him- I had no idea how to even begin to pull him from the dark recesses of his mind. This wasn't the man I loved. This was a weapon. And that broke my heart.

His gun rested against my forehead, the cold metal pressed to my temple. His finger rested comfortably on the trigger. I could hardly even see him through my tears.

"Bucky," I choked, searching desperately for any sign of recognition. I had to break through Winter, or I'd end up dying by his hand, without ever seeing Bucky again. "Bucky, plea-"

"Shut up!" The Winter Soldier yelled, bringing his knee up and slamming it into my gut. I coughed and doubled over in pain, but straightened up again quickly, ignoring the stinging pain that resonated through my stomach.

"You know me! Fight this! Don't let Hydra win!" I yelled at him, grabbing his face with one hand and hoping my touch would snap him out of it. But his eyes remained glazed over as he kneed me in the abdomen again. I sputtered and heaved, hardly able to ignore the pain coursing through me. The still-pouring rain didn't help the fact that I couldn't breathe.

"You brought this on yourself, Reyna!" My father called suddenly, appearing just over Bucky's right shoulder. He wore a disappointed scowl on his face. "If you had just come quietly, none of this would be happening."

"If I had come quietly you would've killed me! And I'd rather die in Bucky's hands than yours!" I shot at him, throwing all of my anger into my words. I was struggling for air at this point, and I was so angry, so livid at what they'd done to Bucky that I felt like I was going to pass out from over exertion.