Captured // A Winter Soldier Story

chapter twenty four // hope

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"The time has come to show and prove or be one, with all you thought you knew, coming undone. Is that you reaching, or you wanting to run?"
-Pistols at Dawn by Seinabo Sey

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reyna's point of view

The next day, we all gathered in the cafeteria for breakfast. I was extremely sore from the day before, so I limped through the line for food, all the while complaining to Bucky that my legs were going to fall off from the pain. He wholeheartedly agreed, and said that I should probably go see a doctor about that.

We grabbed our food and took a seat in one of the back tables. Fury joined us about half way through, looking as though he hadn't slept at all the night before.

The food was pretty bland, especially considering it was being served by a government facility, and I found myself missing our usual morning breakfasts at Steve's apartment. In fact, I missed just being at Steve's, what with the old forties songs always playing on the stereo, the frequent movie nights, the lunch outings every Wednesday, and even the very odd collection of books that we had amassed on the shelf by the TV. I wanted to go back to that life we had, the life we led before everything went to shit.

Our actions were slow as we picked through the eggs and sausage piled on our trays, both of which tasted suspiciously like cardboard. I noticed the exhaustion was beginning to take its toll on Steve, Bucky and I, especially Bucky, whose mind was still foggy from his time as the Winter Soldier. His eyes looked distant. Steve's head was being held up by his hand, and the circles under his eyes were so dark that it looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Needless to say, we all looked like shit, and probably needed a nice seventy-year nap.

Once everyone's plates had been cleared, Fury cleared his throat and glanced at me. Steve and Bucky's eyes flicked up to him.

"Reyna, as you know, we have your father in custody. Usually prisoners wait months for their trials, but because he's been at the top of the FBI, CIA and S.H.I.E.L.D. Most Wanted Criminals list for over twenty years....well, his trial is this afternoon. And he's already pleaded guilty," he said carefully. He was trying to lighten his tone, because he knew what that meant.

It meant that my father was more than likely to get the death penalty.

I wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that. I hated the man. I did. I just couldn't believe that in just a few days, he might be gone. No longer a prevalent threat, no longer ripping me apart, no longer ruining my life. Just poof- gone. That didn't seem possible.

In the dark recesses of my mind, a voice was saying he deserves worse. I couldn't help but agree.

"Ok," I replied to Fury, no emotion on my face. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, as he probably expected more of a reaction. But I didn't move.

"Would you like to be present for the trial?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nope."

He shrugged after a moment of looking me over. "Alright then."

With that, he stood up and left the room, leaving Steve, Bucky and I sitting there in silence. Steve's hand went to cover mine immediately.

"Are you ok?" he asked, looking at me with concerned eyes like the protective older brother he is. I shrugged.

"I'm fine," I said. He looked doubtful, and so did Bucky, who shifted in his chair uneasily.

"Are you sure? You know what's going to happen now, right?" Bucky asked, his voice hesitant. I pulled my hand out from under Steve's and stood up, a little overwhelmed at the moment. I suddenly felt like I needed fresh air.

"I'm going outside," I announced, completely ignoring Bucky's question and shoving past them to the door. I knew they'd follow me, and I didn't care. I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I needed to get out.

I hurried through the hallways until I reached the entrance to the compound and shoved the doors aside, breathing the fresh air in deeply. My rapid heart beat slowed down a little as I stood there and focused on inhaling and exhaling. After a second of regaining my composure, I made my way to a bench just outside of the door. Bucky and Steve came outside a second after I sat down.

I wasn't sure why I was freaking out. That man murdered my mother, broke apart out family, tried to kill me several times, and generally made my life a living hell for years. I wanted him dead. I know I wanted him dead. So why was I freaking out?

Bucky and Steve sat down on either side of me as I searched my brain for answers. Bucky's hand lifted to stroke my knotted hair, and Steve's hand brushed my right shoulder.

"Reyna, what's going on?" Bucky asked. I put my head in my hands.

"I don't even know. I think I'm just really overwhelmed right now," I replied, rubbing my forehead in an effort to stop the pounding. My heart was racing again.

"Understandable. Just focus on breathing, it helps," he said lightly. I nodded and did just that.

I sucked in a deep breath and held it, counted to five, and then let it go. I did it a few times until my heart had calmed down. When I picked up my head, I gazed at the sky, the puffy white clouds and bright sun forming a perfect midsummer day. I leaned back in the chair and watched the clouds go by.

I realized that the reason I'd made it as far as I have is because I never gave up hope that things would be alright. And I can't give that hope up now, not when I'm so close to happiness. So I picked my chin up, took another deep breath, and silenced the voices in my head. Things will only get better so long as I believe that they will.

The three of us sat there for a little while, not saying a word. After a few minutes went by, I took Bucky and Steve's hands in my own, clinging tightly to the two people that had become my definition of the word home.

"Better?" Bucky asked, and I nodded, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah. I'm ok now. Just needed to clear my head," I replied. He nodded, and we all went back to sitting there, at peace with our plight in this world.

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"This is me reaching, and you wanting to run. Stand down or show down baby, let's get this done."

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