Life of being lonely

Chapter 4: Inner Demons

Alexis Carter is the narrator for this chapter:
            The next morning came and I felt different. I never have felt like this before. The feeling was like someone was stabbing me with plenty of knives into my arm. I kinda felt the pain, but never have experienced in a way like this. It is hard to explain. Have you felt this pain? I just don't know how I got this. I am so confused of what is going on. What's happening right now?
     Sometimes people think I am mentally insane and I should go to a mental hospital. I think not, I am perfectly fine and people need to know I am fine. No, I don't need help from any of those filthy goblins. Sorry, I am sort of getting out of control, there just trying to help, but I don't want there help. I don't care if I am not okay. To me I am okay.
       Today is a beautiful amazing day. Just yesterday got a little carried away. Christian and I are both gonna find jobs. Plus Christian needs to make sure that my inner demons are not taking over me. I don't think they will. People need to stop saying I have anger issues. I don't have anger issues, and no I am not going insane just stop talking to me. Those people need to shut up.
      The world can be cruel with there mean horrible words. It's okay Christian always helps me through the day.  I hate being antisocial because I can't really talk in front of many people. All they do is stay and I feel like they are judging me which could be true. Like holy crap people just need to stop. So what if I have anger issues, a lot of people do.
      I know I am getting carried away with all of this crap.  It's fine that I am because I am like that, if you have a problem then you can leave me alone and my friend. 
     I can feel my inner demons become stronger. It kills me every time. No one know how I feel right now. Soon people won't like me for me because I am just that awkward. I just hate my life and to all the people that are in it besides Christian. Maybe Christian is using me. I don't want to say anything because maybe she isn't using me and I would just wreck my friend ship with her. Life just sucks today!
       I wish someday I could just stop breathing, eating and living. I want to die all the time. Never feel pain again, but the problem is I will never and I am unable to do that. I just can't leave all the people I know in pain it's just not fair to them. No one and I mean no one should be left to melt into a puddle of pain. I know how it feels to be left behind.
   Maybe someday no one would be left to die in pain and be left behind by others. I wish I could just die in my violent mind.
       It has almost been a year since my parents left me. I am almost 16 years of age. My life has gotten way worse compared to before. The inner demons are escaping and scratching to get out of me. Something big and bad are holding them back. As soon as they burst out I will be left to die. My body will just stop working like it should be doing in my case.  I miss my old life. It use to be pleasant and joyful everyday. Now these days are dark and scary plus no one should live in my life ever.
       My life sucks every second of the day. I wish it could just end right now. Inner demons getting darker and deeper it is starting to get scary now. They are growling to get out of me. Soon I will be ripped to shreds. My life is going upside down and it is not upright anymore. I miss the old me. Oh wait I think everybody does miss the old me. I was just a sweet young adorable girl. Then I turned in a depressing spirit that wants to die. Inner demons are in me bursting into flames as I speak to myself. I am in so much pain from this. I will die someday I hope. I will never tell Christian this she thinks I am getting better and my inner demons are going away, but really I am getting worse by the minuet. I am killing myself soon. I will only do it in secret unless someone reads it then I am screwed from killing myself. 
       Christian is my life u never want anything to happen to her. If she is in pain then I am sad and upset with me because I think I put her through this and I deserve to die. I would rather die than let Christian get hurt or kill herself.
       Christian is like my only family. The difference is that we are not family by blood. I will always treat her as family and not as a enemy. She is the one that keeps me company of when I am sad or upset. Also she knows not to anger me.
       I am still pretty upset that Christian never told me sooner that she has cancer. I don't want we to die she is the only thing I have that loves me. It's okay I am by her side till I die. She is my life. When she dies I hope she dies happy because I will be by her side for the ride. I will never ever forget her and her bright and beautiful smile. The one that makes my life shine is Christian and everybody knows it. She is the biggest part of heart that is still pumping life and blood in to me to keep living for life.
       "Live life to the fullest"
The end of chapter 4: