Blind ✹ Jaspar

Two

I woke up from a restless night of dreaming about Caspar. I thought it was all real, but in reality, I was in the hospital with a broken leg, concussion, broken rib, and shoulder that was dislocated. The medication the nurse gave me caused my twisted dream, along with my longing for the blonde haired boy.

"Oh, you're awake," Alfie walked in with my sister.

"Did Caspar come in?" I questioned everything that related to my dream.

"I didn't see his name on the visiting papers," He said, sitting down next to my bed. I felt heartbroken.

"Oh.." I teared up. "Have you heard from him?"

"He's filming some videos with Conor and Marcus today."

He'll never come see me..... Does he even care?

"Does he know I'm here?" Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I told him, but he's unsure if he should come or not. He doesn't know if it's a good idea."

"Why would he not come see me?"

"After everything that has happened the past couple of days, he's trying to get his mind off of it." I felt my heart shattering more and more as Alfie spoke. "I tried to get him to come by, but he must've shut his phone off. My calls aren't going through."

/

Two weeks of being in the hospital, I was finally okay to leave. When I got home, there was another note on the counter.

Dear Joe,

I'm sorry I didn't come visit you. I wasn't sure if it would be the right thing to do, considering my confusion. I'm terribly sorry for what happened to you, but I don't know if I can ever come back to my old bedroom.

It's not you, it's me. I'm unable to come to terms with my feelings and I don't want to hurt you. I'd rather not be around than be near you and hurt you more.

-Caspar

Of course... I wish I could just go back to my dream... He expressed his true feelings to me through my fantasies. Am I just hallucinating through this whole thing? Did he ever actually kiss me when I was half asleep?

"Joe... You need to let him go.." I looked myself in the mirror. "You're an independent man who can stand on his own without someone in your life.."

I couldn't say anything with confidence as I knew it wasn't true, and could never be true. Growing up, Zoë always helped me with everything and my parents supported me when she wasn't around. Alfie has always been the brother I never had and seeing how hurt he was when I was upset, I felt like I was completely in the fault for everything.

/

I tried to calm down by playing some Xbox with Oli online.

"Hey mate," I greeted Oli.

"Hey," He replied. "You alright? I heard you were in the hospital."

"Yeah, mate, I'm fine. Just got into a bit of an accident, that's all," I tried to cover up my complete reason for how everything went down.

"Well, Caspar stopped by last night. I wasn't sure if you had heard from him since he moved out."

Shit... Keep it together, Sugg.

"Yeah.. I called him the next day and invited him over. Has he said anything... Maybe about me?"

Wow... Keeping it together. Yeah right.

"What do you mean?" Oli asked.

Fuck..

"Have you heard anything that's been going on?" I decided to come clean with what I knew for sure and talk to Oli. "I feel like... I feel like we need to talk in person."