Catch ThirtyThree

Chapter Four (The Paradoxical Spiral)

"Non-physical smothering, asphyxiation by oxygen hands

Drowning in the endless sky. An ever-downward dive, only to surface

The sewage of indecision, on which all sense of self is afloat

The vortex-acceleration a constant. Resolute in purpose its choking flow"

In the ceiling I saw drawings; mathematical equations and formulas, diagrams of the human body, astronomical figures that spread across thousands of light-years. Did I carve these into the ceiling or was it there to begin with? Or perhaps, am I simply hallucinating? I can never tell nowadays, it is the twin and same.

The nature of paradoxes has eluded me as a solution to anything for all my life, for are paradoxes not the plot twist to any solution? The great dismay to all and every form of coherence? Ah, I knew not what I spoke of.

I was not yet sure how to approach the newfound problem in my research; the improbabilities and problems associated with my new obsession are countless and unyielding. Thinking about it made me choke on that which gives me life, and I shut my eyes in an attempt to clear my mind. Discovering the meaning of existence has only left me with questions, wild questions that lead in circles. I groaned once more, turning on my side and clutching my temple on either side; my head pounded like a hammer trying to comprehend the nature of my discovery. My fingers gripped until my knuckles shone white, my nails catching on my skin and slowly tearing themselves from the tips of my fingers. But I cared not! Personal health was the least of my worries now. I couldn't give two shits less if I was condemned to a hospital for the rest of my life; all I wanted was to be able to continue my work.

The harsh din of a barking dog ripped my from my hallucinations, in response, I snapped upright in my bed and let out the most bloodcurdling scream I have ever heard in my life. I screamed until my throat was raw and my lungs were flattened, and then I took a breath only to scream again, once more. I jumped out of bed and slammed my fists into the wall repeatedly, screaming bloody murder all the while pounding the wall. My knuckles were bleeding and I was spitting blood and saliva all over the dirty wood, the high pitched shriek that I had let loose split my ears down the middle, overwhelming all else in existence.

The holes in the wall were quite impressive now. I stopped screaming and striking the wall, and I walked casually back to my bed before throwing myself in, dragging the musky, damp covers over my trembling yet strangely calm body. After this near-spiral to apparent insanity, I had regained myself from my fall. I surfaced and was whole again. I still would not yet be able to sleep, however. The images of math, science, and philosophy came back to me in clear vision, blinding myself from the rest of the world, but I was not deaf. I listened to the world for a brief moment, and proceeded to grin.

The dog was silent.