Rants

Idk

I honestly don't know anything anymore. I try expressing feelings but it ends up not working and I ruin stuff. I can see some of ma ribs and I think it goes with the fact that I almost never eat lunch. I sometimes feel like crying and I stay emotionless. When I hear some things I break down and I shut off ma emotions. When people talk about personal stuff I am almost in tears. I really wish I could just smile all the time. But it doesn't work out. I tell people not to think low of themself even though I do. I told people ma deepest secrets that I trusted and they stabbed me in the back. I don't like telling people about myself because the ones I trusted the most ended up leaving and hurting me. Why I'm telling you this. Idk. I don't know anything anymore. I trust all of you. Even if I'm scared I can get hurt. I don't even know if I'm straight or bisexual anymore. I honestly don't know and would get rejected. You pour out your feelings and the worst happens. I think I'm just being a big crybaby because there are people suffering out there and would give anything to have what I have and it makes me feel worse about this. I don't deserve to die. I deserve to suffer something worse then death. I have an amazing mom and step dad and I should be the child that is always happy and positive and bright and pretty. But I guess that's not me. I'm dumb ugly crybaby. I feel bad for ma friends for having to deal with me. I feel bad that they have me as a friend. They deserve a better friend. I shouldn't be telling you this. I just need to get it out of ma system.