youth ; jaeyong

twenty seven ; dedication

" this is going to be a little long so please bare with me. "

our family sitting in the rows of chairs chuckled at taeyong's words and i could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

" if i'm being honest, i don't remember what my life was like before you. we may have met again through unfortunate circumstances but i'm glad we did because i don't know where i'd be if i didn't have you. i was a robot with a still beating heart at the beginning of NCT. i hadn't felt emotions in years until you came along.. "

" you make it hard to breathe. you're so stunning and sometimes my heart can't handle it so it has to skip a beat. you make me nervous. i never knew what it felt like to be nervous until i laid my eyes on you. even when you yell at me for doing stupid things, i find myself staring at you in complete awe because of how beautiful you are, even when you're angry and probably considering one hundred different ways to murder me.. "

i let out a quiet laugh as i wiped my tears, smiling as he held my hands tighter.

" i could listen to you sing for hours, years even. i love you beyond belief and i think i'd quite literally die if you were to ever leave me. out of all the people in this world, you chose me, and i can't thank you enough for that. i fall in love with you more and more every single day. from the moment i wake up to the moment i close my eyes, your face is the first and last thing i see, and i want it to stay like that until we're old and grey.. "

" i'm not ready for us to debut because i don't want to share you with anyone else and i don't want fans fawning over you. you think it's cute when i'm jealous but i don't like being jealous because i know that you are mine but when somebody looks at you, the way i look you, every bone in my body screams at me to protect what's mine and i know you love it when i do that. all i want to do is scream to the world that you're mine and hopefully i'll get to do that soon.. "

" not only have you gifted me with your existence but you've given me the privilege of being a dad and there's no one i'd want to raise a child with but you. you've already become mom to all of the guys in their own strange way. i can't thank you enough for giving winwin a mother and two parents to go home to at the end of the day. there's so much more i want to say but all i want to do is marry you so i'm just gonna shut up now. "

we all chuckled and my cheeks were wet with tears. i couldn't stop smiling.
i had to stop my cries for a second so i could say mine.

" how do i live up to that? there's no amount of thank you's i can say for taking me away from that wretched man. i spent so many years of my life living in fear. all i could do was go to school everyday and hope that went i get back, a gun wouldn't be held to my head. glass came flying towards me everyday as soon as i walked through the door and the scariest moment was when i was so miserable that i was too self loathing to move out of the way and the glass vase's tracks stopped right in my heart.. "

taeyong's lip started quivering and he looked down, pressing kisses to my hands.

" i didn't even realize that the glass got stuck in my heart until i looked down. my life has been saved so many times and when that happened, i contemplated whether life was even worth living. whether i deserved the right to live. i felt disgusting, my stepdad's toxic breath, always infested with alcohol and the distinct smell of marijuana. i remember it especially when he put his hands on me somewhere he shouldn't and i could feel his breath on my neck.. "

i glanced over to see my mom practically bawling her eyes out, dabbing her cheeks with a tissue.

" the bruises and scars that that man left on me made me feel disgusting. but you made me feel beautiful. you had no idea how loved i felt when you pressed kisses to each individual bruise. you made me feel like i meant something. you are so patient and gentle with me and i couldn't ask for anything more. it's because of you that i know it feels like to truly live. you are more than just my boyfriend, you are my savior. if it weren't for you, i wouldn't doubt the fact that i'd be dead at this very moment. i would've never known what it felt like to feel my daughter kick in my stomach.. "

" i never thought i'd ever have kids, let alone carry one in my body. you're my best friend and my partner in life and i know that will never change. i didn't even know what love was or felt like until i saw you. you are a god. i love you when you're upset, i love you when you're cocky, i love you when you're vulnerable. you are the only person i've met who can go from shy to sex god within a matter of seconds and i love when you do that.. "

" i love you even when you for some reason feel the need to feel me up in public, i love you for the way you make me feel, i love you. "

he smiled brightly, my heart hammering against my chest at the sight.

after we went through the rest, we finally got to put the rings on eachother's hands and it made joy bubble up in my stomach.

" you may kiss your bride. "

" you don't have to tell me twice. "

i rolled my eyes as he wasted no time in reaching for me over my baby bump, moving his lips against mine as our family roared in happiness.

he leaned towards my ear so i could hear him, being the tease he was.

" i can't wait to hear those moans i missed so much tonight. "