dark devil ; phan sequel

v; i don't have to

v; i don't have to

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  "The world is so obsessed with defining sexuality for everyone and attaching labels to it. Any time any person openly leaves the sexual norm, their sexuality becomes, more often than not, the absolute defining characteristic of that person. It becomes the first thing people think about and often the first thing they mention. Every other part of that person all but disappears."
― Dan Pearce,  Single Dad Laughing

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Spilling from Benji's headphones was the song Heathens, and considering they were supposed to be having a meeting between all the heroes, Phil found it a little annoying. He dove a hand to the side and snatched the one headphone from his ear, both now lying on the table, and reached for his best friend's phone, shutting off the music. The entire table fell into an eerie silence as Phil glared, blue eyes looking dark, and Benji laid his palms flat on the table, tuned his gaze to where Analise was previously speaking. "Sorry," He said firmly, "but I don't want to be here anymore. I'm done." He slammed his hands on the table once more, almost to make sure everyone was listening. "Your good guy council? Not my thing, I can't do this. We were supposed to be fixing the city--you guys just want to take the people from the blow. I want to control it, I want to save the city, not lessen the blast."

"Benji," Phil said quietly, eyes flickering up to his best friend for a moment, a long silence after his first word before he spoke again, "You can't.. Don't go." He reached for the man's hand, his arm, anything, but Benji was grabbing his phone, starting the music back up and plugging his headphones in, sauntering off. Hayley stood up, staring after him, and looked around the table. 

Dick suddenly stood too, looking to Phil and frowning a little bit. "I touched him." He said quietly, and Phil frowned, raised an eyebrow then and grinned. 

"Go you?" He suggested, "I didn't know you swung that way, man." He looked after Benji, conflicted expression for a moment, and then he frowned again. "Without his permission?" He finally asked, and he looked back to Dick, scowling when he saw the guilty expression. "What kind of asshole are you? You never touch someone without their permission, guy or girl, kid or adult. What were you thinking?"

The detective ducked his head a little bit, looked away before clearing his throat, meeting Phil's obviously angry blue eyes. "I didn't know he was scared of it."

"You would be too, if you'd been through what he has." Phil said finally, standing to move after where Benji had left. 

It took him about fifteen minutes to find where Benji was sitting on a curb, watching the cars go by, eyebrows pulled together and eyes a little sad. His gear was still back at their base, and he was frightened to have left those swords behind, but he was happy too, because that meant the guilt, the blood on them was away from him, away from his gentle and fragile conscience. He didn't understand how people thought he was strong, when he had so many breaks in him.

When he heard Phil's footsteps, he looked up almost timidly, mouth slanted downwards at the corners. "You didn't tell them, right?" He asked softly, and Phil sat down next to him, pulling his shoulders closer, pressing a dorky sort of kiss to his best friend's shoulder. 

"Not my secret to tell, Ben." He pulled the man's jacket to the side, reached and tugged his shirt over to see the burns across his shoulder, cigarettes that his mother had smothered into his skin. He clutched onto Benji's shirt a little tighter, because that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was so emotional that he couldn't even think about it without wanting to be sick. Benji was watching his fingers trace the scars for a moment before he pushed Phil away, raising a brow. 

"Loser, get off of me." He said firmly, but there was a joking tone to it, and he leaned his his head forward a little bit, eyes moving over to Phil for a moment. "I was a better person back in like, eleventh grade, wasn't I?"

Phil frowned, moved back a little bit and shook his head. "Eleventh grade, you wouldn't remember half of it, you were drunk off your ass." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You tried to kiss me." He cracked a smile, and Benji shrugged, looking to the sky.

"Experimenting, bro, I can't really no homo that though." He clasped his hands together, "How did you know you were gay? You know, did you see a dick and go 'ooh, attractive' or some shit?"

Pursing his lips together, the black haired man thought for a moment, then let his eyes close for a moment. He remembered this conversation, he'd had it with Benji when a boy had asked his best friend to prom, and with flushed cheeks, Benji had said yes. Sure, they'd danced and everything, but... Benji hadn't kissed him or anything. They'd danced, gone to a dance together, but nothing more. "I... We talked about this before?" He offered quickly, frowned, "I had a crush on you in like, tenth grade. I got over it, but..." He shrugged, "I cared about girls in the way you care about a sister, the way I care about you now, not the way I care about..."

"Dan." Benji finished, shrugging, "I get it, I'm a hot dude. I just... I don't understand sexuality. I like girls, trust me, they're hot and stuff, but... You know, sometimes I feel like I wanna kiss a dude too." His eyebrows were raised, a rosy pink flush settled across his cheeks, "I need to see a therapist. Shouldn't I just pick one?"

Phil scooted over to his best friend, put a hand on his shoulder and grinned. "Did you know," He began, "there's more sexualities than gay and straight? You could be bisexual, pansexual--There's tons, man." 

Benji looked up, surprised at the new information, and he shifted, looked away from Phil. So naturally, Phil continued. "There's also this thing called not putting a label on it, liking who you like and you know, just being you. Sexuality isn't something that becomes your entire life, it's just a part of you, it's always been there. It isn't meant to define who you are and what you do, it's just... It's just saying 'hey, you know, I like boys' or 'hey, I don't really know what I like yet'." He managed to smile at Benji through the emotional talk.

The blonde man shifted, turned and smiled at Phil. "You mean... I don't have to have a sexuality?"

Phil laughed a little bit, punched his friend's shoulder. "Yeah, you don't have to have a sexuality, sure." 

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i thought we needed a little filler bc my summer is sad and i have bad allergies <3

that, and i can't stop listening to heathens.

what song's stuck in your head today?